A Place For Mom

Recently my husband and I had started making preparations for my mother in law to have a place of her own. She has been living with us seen we moved into our house nearly ten years ago. The arrangement originally was one meant to be mutually beneficial. We helped her take of her mother and she helped us take care of our three children while I went back to school and back to work.

The years went by, as they often do, and the situation has changed. Her mother has since passed away and my children are now at an age where they don't need quite as much adult supervision as they once did. Not to mention that I now work out my home office. (Work being a loose term for unemployed writer.) So I am here to deal with any life threatening emergencies such as running out of milk, missing homework, unruly hair, unwashed band uniforms and forgotten lunches.

I went from feeling like I had to accept this intrusion in my life to feeling that the best thing for her was to be more independent. I felt like I was some sort of advocate. I thought the best thing for mom was to parent her from afar. We would be able to monitor her via phone calls and my husband has access to her bank account so we would know what she was spending her money on. The insurance company arranges transportation to all her doctor appointments and I already do all her shopping for her. See? I kept telling myself. Nothing would change. She would happy. I would be happy. All would be well.

And then it hit me.

One Sunday morning my husband and I were making a big family breakfast, as we often do. I knocked on my mother-in-law's bedroom door to give her a plate of eggs, bacon and toast, cooked just the way she liked them. I entered her room and she was still drowsy with sleep.

She looked as though she hadn't slept very well. Her white hair stood out at odd angles away from her face. She had bags under her eyes. She was groping around blindly for her glasses. I realized then how small and shrunken her body had become. My mother-in-law is a tall, broad shouldered woman but at that moment she looked so frail and tiny. Her skin hung off her arms and legs, wobbling as she moved. Her hand shook as she reached out for her plate of eggs. The only strong thing about her was her voice.

I can't leave her.

I went back to the kitchen and told my husband that I could do this. I could take care of her. Never mind all my fuss. I don't think he has ever been so shocked. He literally starting looking in the kitchen cabinets for the real me, like a was a pod person sent here to bend him to my will.

Well, now our plans have changed. We have outgrown our home. Instead of trying to find a new one this year for a family of five, we are re-budgeting for two more years for a family of six. With a little more tightening of the belts, a little more elbow grease and a lot of dedication, I think we just might make it.

The things we do for family.

Minor Facebook Friends?

I recently started receiving Facebook friend requests from my children's friends. This is uncharted territory for my husband and me. We haven't even allowed our own children to open their own social media accounts and yet we are now receiving friend requests from what are basically little kids. This is the time for us to form a united front. What are we to do in order to protect our privacy and the feelings of our children's friends?

I have to take a stand when it comes to subjecting innocents, at least those I have not raised, to some of the frenzied debates that we start that can get a bit... colorful and ....rowdy and....bawdy on our chosen platforms. I cannot in good conscience have a new generation getting a lesson in politics, history, current events, vocabulary, ethics, work place etiquette, musical tastes (although that might be an improvement), or how to deal with nosy neighbors, bad bosses, lousy in-laws, crazy kids, wanton women, horny husbands, raucous roommates, video game vigilantes, pandering partners, insulting instigators, liars, cheaters, and life in general from a generation that actually had to work hard for their money. Those lessons are reserved for my children's ears alone and they have to earn them through the blood, sweat and tears they shed when we are lecturing them endlessly after they screw up.

Our children are already all too well acquainted with our foul mouths, quirky brand of humor and (my) sharp temper. All things that could be taken out of context by a minor. Especially those that only know us peripherally. Thus we have made the decision not to accept friend requests from any of our kid's friends.

Too many things could go wrong. My husband and I could share an opinion that varies greatly with the ideologies of their friend's family. We do our best to be open and explain all viewpoints to our children while still holding firm to our own beliefs and opinions, but we also recognize that not everyone is this way. I would hate for something I say to be held against my children.

Secondly, this stage of their friendships, in all likelihood, won't stand the test of time. I don't want to be caught in the center of Middle School Friendship Wars. I never played those games as a child and I won't play them now either.

Finally, as much as I love my children's friends, I don't know that it is entirely appropriate for us to be associated with them on social media. First of all, we are adults and therefore we are expected to set a certain example. But we are human, and we aren't always going to be at our best when conversing with our friends on Facebook or tweeting back and forth on Twitter. The facade drops, our language gets more casual (I for one have one heck of a potty mouth), and we are more apt to say what is truly on our minds. Now compare that to how you would talk to your kid's friends. Get the picture? Not such a sterling example anymore, are you?

That's not to say I don't have any minors on my Facebook feed. But they are related to me. And I love them and they love me unconditionally. Or at least they do a pretty good job at pretending not to be ashamed of me come Christmas time.

To all the minors out there, I want you to get to know me. But I want the image you have in your mind to be the cool, fun mom you met and not the foul-mouthed, obnoxious lady on Facebook.

Christmas Come Early

I know that I'm not the only one that has noticed the trend for retailers to put out holiday decor earlier and earlier every year. Call me a traditionalist, but I loathe seeing Frosty sitting next to my jack'o'lanterns. It kind of ruins that spooky effect when Jack's snaggletooth grin is juxtaposed with grinning coals and a carrot nose.

I think of my holidays like a multi-course meal, savoring each mouthwatering selection. I let each one settle before moving on to the next. I never like to have my main dish before I have finished my soup, or my dessert before my salad, or sample my hors d'oeuvre after my soup. So it irks me when Christmas comes early.

I don't need to be reminded by retailers to start shopping early for Christmas. I'm a mom. I get it. In fact I get reminded year round by my kids. What I no longer get is the chance to fully enjoy Halloween without thinking I should be dressing up as a naughty elf. I can kind of understand putting holiday stuff out in time for Thanksgiving, especially years when Turkey Day comes late in the month and it shortens the holiday season. But I still don't even listen to Christmas music until the Friday after Thanksgiving on principle alone. Gotta give the bird some respect.

I'm not a total Grinch. I go shopping for my stocking-stuffers and under-the-tree presents whenever I see a deal I can't pass up. And we put our tree up, without fail, the day after Thanksgiving; no matter when it falls that year. That's our tradition. And we do it while listening to the Christmas music of our choice. Usually something pretty rockin'.

So maybe my heart isn't too small after all. It may be that retailers just have too much Christmas spirit in their blood. But one drugstore near me was putting Halloween stuff on clearance before the end of October to make way for Santa, and for that I cry fowl! (Get it? Cos we're still waiting for Turkey Day? You're right... I'm sorry.)

All I'm saying, is that I don't feel that we the people really need to be reminded to spend our hard earned money on gifts for our loved ones. Especially if we have kids doing the reminding for us. Let us enjoy one holiday at a time, for the love of Michael Meyers. It'll save me from trying to buy a Santa suit for my husband next Halloween.

Why I Let my Kids Watch Scary Movies

We have a tradition in my house. Every October we try to squeeze in as many horror films as humanly possibly before the month is over. Sometimes they are truly terrible B films, some are great horror classics, some are mediocre remakes, others are arrogant attempts at something original but all offer some entertainment value. Why have we made this a family tradition, no different than watching Christmas movies every December? Why do I let my kids watch scary movies?

During the month of October, many television stations run little mini documentaries about the behind the scenes action of haunted houses, special effects make up, horror movies and such. My kids can't get enough of these little insights into what it takes to scare someone. They especially love learning about the how to create the gore themselves with everyday household objects. It doesn't make a good scary movie any less scary, but knowing that it isn't real creates a safe environment in which to enjoy the scare.

Do my kids have nightmares? Of course they do; they're kids. But do they have more nightmares after watching a scary movie than say, a family friendly picture? Of course not. Watching these movies has become a bonding experience for us. We all cuddle up on the couch together, stay up late, make fun of the terrible acting, predict what is coming up next and cover each other's eyes when we don't want to see something. My youngest, aged nine, has been known on more than one occasion to fall asleep in the middle of a movie. We just cover her up and push 'PLAY'.

What about the violence they are exposed to? Here is my thought on that. They already know, from watching the documentaries on tv, talking to us (their ever knowledgeable parents) and participating in Halloween traditions that monsters aren't real, and that the carnage they are inflicting in the movies we are watching is fake. It is full of props, fake blood, actors and is filmed (in large part) on a studio lot in a fictional location based on a fictional story. Not once has one my children ever tried to recreate any of the events they have seen in a horror film because they know those people are paid actors and stuntmen, not little children who will get hurt doing the same thing. In fact, my children play less violently in their pretend play than most children that I know that are censored strictly from violence on television.

Being a little scared sometimes may not be all that bad for you. Fear sharpens your senses. It gets your blood pumping through your heart, lungs and brain. The feeling is followed by a release of adrenaline and then you can relax, feeling good because all the action is at a safe distance away on the television screen and you are surrounded by the people who love you the most and would never let any harm come to you.

Why do I let my kids watch horror movies? Because they know they're not real. Because they know what they're in for. Because they love spending time with their parents. Because they want to. It has become our tradition.

Silly Parents, Minecraft is for Kids

Building and breaking and building and breaking and building and breaking and AAAAH! Zombie! And back to building and breaking. That's about the gist of Minecraft, right? Or what used to be called Lego's - minus all the Nether World creatures that Minecraft has come up with to keep kids distracted from the fact they have abandoned their tactile building blocks.

In all seriousness, should I doubt the moral fiber of my children when they giggle at having to kill chickens, cows and sheep in order to survive in the cruel worlds they have just created? Survival is a serious business. Especially when facing the pitfalls of lava, water traps, giant spiders, slime blobs, zombies, skeletons, ender- men, and portholes. Other players can sabotage you and you can sabotage them. Your pet wolves can turn on you at any moment.The villages don't speak your language. Minecraft is a dangerous place.

It is forcing my children to use their imaginations to work together to build communities and they don't even know it. Being underhanded and sneaky to teach my children valuable lessons is my job, Minecraft! You have to build everything from scratch. And being block shaped, that's not always easy. But in order to build and fabricate you first need to collect the necessary items. And to collect the necessary items you mine, find or kill for them.

Minecraft is the first game in a long time that all three of my kids will sit and play together without arguing about turns, without getting in each other's way, and a game in which if one child leaves the arena it doesn't ruin it for everybody else. It has really put a damper on my quiet time because no one is ever in time out. I suppose I really shouldn't complain too much. It has been a while since I have stepped barefoot on a Lego piece in the middle of the night or sucked one up in my vacuum cleaner, never to be heard from again. Plus, we didn't buy them the game until they earned the money for it in the first place. That was a lot of dog poop they picked up.

So, I guess while I don't totally get it, because maybe my adult brain just can't wrap itself around the point of it all, the kids seem to really enjoy it. And they are playing nicely together for once. And maybe all that practice with the Lego's and Lincoln Logs came in handy because they have built some pretty awesome structures and their problem solving skills are pretty impressive. (Go Mom!)

So maybe they can play Minecraft for just a little longer today...

Open Letter to my HOA

Dear Settler's Village HOA,

I am so pleased that you decided to remodel our pool so that the families of our community could enjoy a refreshing swim during the hot and humid Texas Summer months. You couldn't have picked a better time of year to do the renovations either. Summer is the perfect time. There are no school kids walking to and from school to get in the way. No buses making a lot of noise. And you know for sure that it won't be too cold to work outside and there is no threat of the pool water freezing.

Not only has JR. D Construction, the company you chose for the remodel, put up a lovely chain link fence around most of our park and two huge construction bins in our tiny parking lot, but their lack of progress is astounding. The steel construction bins add an apocalyptic, yet urban feel to the family park, especially when framed by the primary colors of the playground equipment. I can't help but notice how you have managed to drive away all the riff raff. Who wants kids playing in the park during summer anyway? And your self gratifying sign is just the icing on cake. JR. D Construction truly can do everything, including sucking all the life out a neighborhood park and dragging out a construction project for months on end.

Your trash bins showed up in May. Your chain link fence prohibited access to the swing set in early June. You drained the pool in mid June.Your sign went up in late June. And every day, no matter what time I drive by, walk my dog or take my kids to their friends' houses, the pool remains empty. No workers, no water, and no families enjoying their summer. Congratulations. Truly.

Now, perhaps the materials for the remodel are just not available. I guess that's just poor planning. Or maybe it's just too hot to work during the summer. Sure would've been nice to take a dip in the pool, right? Maybe you have too many projects going on and have spread yourself too thin. Poor planning? Again? Or maybe you are really really thorough and just want to do a good job. OK, I'll buy that, but where are your employees?

As for my HOA, thanks for making me call our management company, PCMI, to get all the information in the first place. When we didn't get the notice for our new pool tags I put in a call to PCMI to make sure my notice didn't get lost in the mail. I love making new friends anyway and the lovely lady on the phone informed me that we were getting a new pool. She was much more excited than I was. And no, no one thought to make a deal with a neighboring neighborhood so we could use their pool. And no, there is no county pool. And no, there is no city pool. But good news! Next year we should be able to use our brand new pool!

So thank you, Settler's Village HOA for the surprise remodel of the pool. I mean, I know we voted on it but I had know idea it was coming so soon. I certainly never would have guessed you would start it when swim season began. My guess would have been to do the remodel during the Spring or even Fall. And thank you for hiring what must surely be the most thorough construction company in the city and county and quite possibly in the state to work on the remodel. I'm positive I will thank you next year when I can take all three of my kids to the pool. Because God knows I can't do it this year.

Sincerely,
A Mom, A Member of the Community, A Wannabe Swimmer

Free Summer 2014

I found out earlier this month that my wonderful neighborhood Home Owners Association has finally decided to remodel our pool. Isn't that great? The problem is, the work is starting now. At the start of swim season. Wasn't that nice of them? If you're like me, and I'm sure many of you are, local attractions (especially free ones) are the ones you need to rely on during the long summer months. So what's a family to do?

In my area, I found two theaters that have kid friendly movie programs for the summer. Carmike Cinemas is offering $4 seats every Thursday at 10 am starting on June 5. The $4 admission includes a small drink and a small popcorn. My particular theater is showing movies like The Lego Movie, Epic, Despicable Me 2, Rio, and The Croods. Check your local theater to see what they are showing this summer. Cinemark is offering ten movies for $5 if you purchase tickets in advance or one movie for $1 at the door. My particular theater is showing films like The Smurfs 2, Turbo, Mr. Peabody and Sherman, and Walking With Dinosaurs. Check your local listings for movies and show times.

How about bowling? Check out kidsbowlfree.com for a list of bowling alleys that are participating in this summer's first ever program to help give kids a fun and safe way to spend the hot summer months. Parents can register with their local bowling alley and give their kids two free games of bowling every day. AMF has had a similar program for the last few years offering three free games to kiddos aged 15 years and younger. So I guess it is just a matter of who is closer to you.

Reading programs are a great way to keep your kids reading this summer and some reading programs help your child earn free books and even some pocket change for their efforts. Barnes & Noble will reward kids ages 6-12 with a free book after they read eight books and turn in their reading journal to participating stores. Feed Your Brain is Half Price Book's summer reading program. Kids 14 and under can add up their reading minutes and turn in a log to earn $5 in bookworm bucks. Sylvan Learning Center has a free, interactive way to encourage kids to read by quizzing them on what they've read and giving them the opportunity to earn prizes in the process. I also you recommend you check out PBS, home of Reading Rainbow, to learn how to raise an enthusiastic reader. I firmly believe in the power of literacy.

And finally, Chuck E. Cheese wants to reward your kids for their good behavior.You can print off and bring in completed chore sheets to participating restaurants for 10 free game tokens.

As always there is the public library, community centers, the beach, bbq's and the ever popular chore list(!) to complete. I have a feeling my yard and house will never be cleaner without that silly pool to distract me this summer. In fact, I may have my kids read up on gardening and redecorating tips to get them started...

The STAARs at Night

There is a big debate going on right now about the validity and fairness of standardized testing. I don't have a high school student (yet) so I admit I am ignorant on the debate about making the test's scores part of a student's final grade. I do, however, have a fifth grade student and her final score could impede her progress of going on to enjoy middle school with her friends.

All of my kids are different when it comes to their strengths and weaknesses. My fifth grade daughter has always struggled in academics but she shines in her artistic pursuits. She was a late reader and it takes her longer to catch on to mathematical concepts than it does my other children. She has no learning disabilities, it's just how she is. And we accept her for that. That doesn't mean that we don't expect her to work hard or that we give up on her or that we don't do everything we can to help her succeed. She is 100% capable of learning and she will do it, she just does it at her own pace. In fact her little mind is like a steel trap; once she latches on to a concept it stays there forever. We encourage her to ask questions in class, she goes to tutoring, we work with her on her homework, her teachers send extra practice home, we print out our own workbook pages on weekends and on long breaks. My daughter will be prepared for life. 

So what's the problem, you ask? Testing. Not just the STAAR (State of Texas Assessments of Academic Readiness), but the benchmarks and the district assessments and the teacher's exams. Is there a week or a day that goes by that these kids don't have a test? Is there a time that these teachers can actually teach and not administer an exam? Is there a time that these kids can relax and not worry about when their next assessment is coming up? 

As I said before, each of my children are very different. My son is in seventh grade. He could care less if there a test coming up. He barely has to study for his exams and he makes an 'A'. He breezes through his assessments, comes home, does his homework, practices his trumpet and then reads his comic books without a second thought. My fifth grade daughter was completely stressed about the STAAR test. She knew that she was struggling in math and she knew that if she didn't pass the STAAR she may not pass the fifth grade. That was a lot of pressure for an eleven year old. The only thing that made it easier on her was the knowledge that she could work her math problems out her way. No one was going to be coming up behind her telling her that she wasn't working her problems out the way that the district required. My youngest, my third grader daughter, cries every time she has to take any kind of test. But then she goes to school and usually does very well. I have never been able to pinpoint why she gets so anxious, considering she generally gets good grades. The only thing I can think of is that it seems that nearly every week she is taking a test of some sort and she gets burned out taking them.

I honestly don't know what to do about this conundrum. I have seen example questions of what my district feels their standards ought to be. I have seen example questions the STAAR test feels the nation's standards ought to be. They are in line with each other and neither feels that out of line to me. If yours aren't, SPEAK UP! It's you're right as a parent, as an educator, as a board member, as a tax payer! Demand better!

Here is my (ideal) proposed solution to the too much testing problem. IF the district is doing their job and hiring quality educators, THEN the exams that the quality educator comes up with should be a fair assessment of a student's understanding of the material learned in the classroom. A teacher's exams should replace a district's benchmark tests, which I don't see a need for to begin with considering my district insists on districts exams as well. Getting rid of just one test frees up much more time for actual classroom instruction. As for state mandated or national mandated tests, I can't help you with that. You reap what you sow. If you want change, you have to make change. Educate yourself before going to the polls. We've gotten ourselves into this mess, we can get ourselves out of it.

By the way, my daughter passed the STAAR and I am one proud mama. 

Lice Wars

I have gone my entire life without having to experience the itchy creepy crawly feeling associated with having lice. Until this weekend. That'll teach me to snuggle with my kids. My youngest daughter started scratching furiously at her head a few weeks ago. And, being a diligent mother, I began checking her head regularly for those little vermin called lice. I never saw anything until Friday. There was a little teeny tiny thing crawling in her hair. I caught it, killed it, and Googled it. I had no clue what lice looked like, but I was about to get an education.

When you find out you have a head lice infestation the first thing you do is question your hygiene. Are my kids clean enough? Do I wash our sheets often enough? Should I cut their hair shorter? Should I change our shampoo? Do I vacuum often enough? Should I clean my furniture? How old are our mattresses? Why do I let them share their brushes with each other? How did I miss this?

I'm telling you this is all hogwash. First of all, lice is super common childhood ailment. As crowded as our schools are, it's easy for the little boogers to find new hosts everyday. All it takes is a little head to head contact. Does your kid play sports? Then they risk getting lice every time they huddle up. How about every time they have small group lessons? Or tell each other secrets on the playground? Or share head phones for the computer? Or share pillows in a reading nook?

Wanna talk about hygiene? Lice actually prefer clean hair to dirty hair because it's easier to climb on. That blows the theory that only dirty people get lice out of the proverbial water. Also, girls are more likely to get lice than boys. I have a feeling that may be because we're more likely to share secrets, brushes, and hats than our dirtier, stingier counter parts.

I went the traditional route and used the nasty chemical shampoo to treat my kids' lice as well as my own. Yes, I got lice through all the snuggling and loving I get from my kids. It seems that Daddy, surprisingly, escaped the infestation, but I still made him suffer the treatment. It's only fair. Because of my migraines I don't use a lot of chemicals around the house. So I could have tried some of the home remedies like mayonnaise, olive oil, petroleum jelly, gasoline and kerosene. But they were a little too much, and kind of gross, even for me.

While it really sucks getting lice, take it as a sign that your kid is clean and socially healthy. I think of it as a sign that I must be doing something right. I am raising kids that not only have good hygiene, but are little social butterflies. But I still told them not to tell anyone they had lice. That's just gross.

And We Were Doing So Well...

Illness has once again struck our home, and this time with a vengeance. Fortunately not on me. Unfortunately, I have never had the patience to deal with the whining and the complaining that comes with being sick. People always think I am just being funny when I tell these stories but, hand to God, they are true.

I was fortunate enough to have a pediatrician that didn't push antibiotics on my kids when they were young. She preferred to try to cure the common sniffle with home remedies before resorting to medication. I don't know if that had anything to do with her being Indian or just the fact that she had common sense, but there you go. And in the years since, we have rarely been struck down by flu bugs and tummy viruses.

When the kids start to get all stopped up, we bring out the saline nose spray. Just one puff in each nostril, a good blow, and you are good to go. When that doesn't work, we'll bring out the humidifier. It will save your life! Trust me. Night time is when you will lose the most sleep to coughs and colds. And it will always happen at three o'clock in the morning. I was in a deep slumber and all of sudden, "Cough, cough, cough". I stirred a little in my sleep and realized that my kid was coughing in the other room. My husband woke a little bit and stated the obvious, "She's coughing," and then he resumed snoring.

I tried to lay back down and go to sleep, but between my poor baby coughing and feeling miserable in the next room and my husband snoring in my ear, it was impossible. Finally, he rolled over and his hand slapped me in face and I gave up. There would be no more sleep for me tonight. So I did what any good mom would do. I sat up and yelled, "Go get a drink of water, for crying out loud!"

A soft "OK" answered, followed by footsteps to the kitchen. I rolled my husband over, who amazingly had slept through it all, and settled back down for a long sleep. Yeah, right. The coughing continued sporadically throughout the night. Even though she was practically sitting up. Even though the humidifier was on full blast, leaving a thin sheen of dew on every surface of her room. Even though she had blown her nose dry.

By now, it was 5 o'clock in the morning. I can't give her another dose of cough medicine because then I won't be able to give her another dose before school starts in the morning. And, yeah, I send my kids to school unless they are throwing up or have a fever. I am that mom. It was your scuzzy kids that got my kid sick in the first place, so deal with it. The idea of having to give her more medicine gave me flashbacks of the night before when I had to finally give in and start her on the dreaded antibiotics. I don't remember amoxicillin tasting that bad, but apparently my daughter thinks it is the next best thing to dog crap.

To get her take her medicine is a struggle, to put it nicely. I start off nice and slow.

"Here is your medicine and here is your drink to wash it down with. Have you taken it yet? Take your medicine. Drink it. Drink it now! Just swallow it and wash it down. The longer you sit here the angrier I am going to get. Just drink it. Good, now swallow it. The longer you keep it in your mouth the worse it going to taste. Swallow it! There's no taste buds in your throat, just swallow it! So help me, if you spit it out... If you don't swallow it I'm going to sit on you and plug your nose! One... Two... Now was that so hard?"

I shivered in the dark as the flashback passes. I'm going to have to do this twice a day for nine more days. Yea! I wish I could find patient zero. The things I would do to him... At least we don't get sick that often. You'd think that I would be better at this than I am. Oh, well. At least it isn't my husband that is sick. That's another story entirely.

Dealing With Grief

I know most of the time I keep things light-hearted and fun, but the sad truth is that tragedy does strike and we, as parents, have to help our kids deal with the challenges of the grieving process. My children were blessed with five great grandparents when they started their young lives. Now, as of January 8, my wonderful grandmother is the only one left.

About four years ago, my husband's grandmother, affectionately known as "Mom", passed away. She lived with us for a few years until the physical demands of caring for someone in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's Disease were too much for my mother in law (who still  lives with us) to handle on her own. We had no choice but to place her in a nursing home where she could receive round the clock care. My children, who were 8, 6 and 4 at the time, wanted to honor Mom in a special way. We had a small memorial here at the house because Mom was to be cremated and buried in her home town in Michigan. Afterwards, the kids, my husband, and I walked to the field near our home and released a balloon into the air. Attached to the balloon were handwritten notes that each of my children had written for Mom. That's the part they remember most about honoring Mom. It helped the kids tremendously to think that their letters would somehow reach her in Heaven.

In December, 2011 we lost my Grandaddy to a bout of pneumonia. He died within days of his 90th birthday. My dad's side of the family dealt with this loss with love and laughter, even if some of the laughter was by accident. My dad is one of six children. In a private moment, each of the children placed something special in their father's casket. A family photo to keep him company, his favorite nuts for a snack, money in his pocket in case of emergency, and a golf ball to enjoy the greens once more. Well, oddly enough golf balls enjoy rolling and bouncing around in the empty spaces of a casket. It turns out, if you don't warn the hearse drivers that something will be moving around inside of a casket, it kind of freaks them out. My family loves each other very much and I think that we are pretty close. None the less, it was a great bonding experience in that only immediate family members knew what that strange sound was coming from Grandaddy's casket while he was being transferred from the hearse to his final resting place. Snickers abounded and grief was abated, if only for a moment.

This brings me to our family's most recent encounter with grief. My mother's parents both passed just recently. My Paw Paw just after Christmas and my Grandma just after the new year. They had been married an astonishing 67 years. I can't remember them ever being apart so I suppose it is only appropriate that they are together again, this time for eternity. When Paw Paw died, I was comforted by the fact that I still had my Grandma and that was like still having a little piece of my Paw Paw left. The last time I saw my Grandma, I told her all about my Paw Paw's funeral service because she had been too weak to attend. Her heart was visibly broken and it tore me up to see her like that. She clutched both his picture and my hand and she sobbed. My Grandma had been my best friend my whole life. When I told my children of her passing, the first thing my youngest said was, "But she was the one that taught me to read." My Grandma was a natural teacher. She, like Mom, Grandad and Paw Paw, were strong inspirations and influences in my life and in my children's lives. I can't count my blessings enough that we have had these angels in our lives, but dealing with these losses has shaken my world.

I liken the sadness I have felt to the night. I wake up in the morning to a new day and everything seems like it will okay, but there's a darkness looming on the horizon. Night is coming. As the day goes on, it grows brighter and brighter. I feel like I can work and that I have the motivation and the inspiration to get up write. And then the peak of the day has come and the sun has passed over its highest point. Yet here I am, staring at a computer screen, having not written a word. Thoughts start to weigh heavy on my mind. They grow darker and heavier just as the day grows darker and colder. Before I know it, dusk is settling in, replacing the day with the night. Filling my exhausted head with sadness.

My kids handled these recent deaths probably better than I did. They were remarkably mature and strong in the face of such tragedy. We have crawled up together on my bed and on the couch and cried, talked, laughed and shared stories. There have been meltdowns and quarrels, but they have been comforted by the memories they have and jokes that they can share; the kind that only family will ever understand. Most of all, they have me and they have their dad and they have each other.

As much as it felt like it would, the world didn't stop. We somehow managed to go on without you in our lives. It hurt so much. The kind of hurt I thought would never go away. I will always love my grandparents and am grateful for all they did for me and for my precious family. In time we will heal, and we will heal through the laughter and the love that we provide each other. So it's not goodbye, but goodnight. Rest well, because we will have a lot to talk about when I see you again.