Kids and Their Gadgets

Last night, my son had the opportunity to perform in a short concert with the top band in the high school he is matriculating to next year. So naturally I was there to cheer my baby on. Whenever I go to one of my children's performances, I expect to hear a fantastic production and I have never been disappointed. What I don't expect, however, is to see a four year old with a pair of Beats headphones and his own mini iPad roaming the aisles.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but these tablets still retail for a couple hundred bucks. Not to mention that a pair of Beats headphones are at least $150. So this mother was trusting her four year old with up to $500 worth of equipment. I don't even trust my 14 year old with that much.

I honestly don't know what is happening to people that they feel they can't get their children to sit through a 30 minute concert without resorting to placating them with phones, tablets, handheld games, mp3 players... Wait. Mp3 players? At a concert? Where the music is being provided for you?

If that's not bad enough, parents are allowing children to take their phones under the guise of snapping photos of their siblings, but in reality they are running amok in the auditorium with other like-minded children. And no one, but me, the mean, nasty, ill-tempered, evil mother who just wants to hear her child perform, will tell these kids to kindly shut up and go away. Not even the owner of these loudmouthed hellions seems to notice. Or care. Maybe they have their Beats headphones on.

Call me old fashioned, but I also believe in having a family dinner. I have a "No Tech at the Table" policy. That includes the adults. There is nothing that my husband and I hate more than seeing an entire family out to dinner and watching them completely ignore each other because they are engrossed in their phone conversations. If I am going to spend my time preparing you a yummy, delicious dinner or pay my hard earned money to take you out, the least you can do is talk to me. I gave birth to you, after all, the least I can do is get to know you.

As of this moment in time, my children do not have cell phones. I'm not against it, I just don't feel it has been necessary as of yet. I think we are getting closer and closer to that point now that they are expanding their social calendars and extracurricular commitments. My kids are in band, choir and student council. They have friends all over the neighborhood and frequently stay after school for rehearsals. My husband works long hours and I sometimes need to be in two places at once. There have been times where it would have been convenient to reach out and call or text my kids to let them know I was running late or to ask them where I need to be. But we have managed just fine so far without the gadgets. So maybe the phones can wait a little longer.

I think it's a shame that children are missing out on their sibling's performances, family conversations, the world around them, new experiences and any number of other things because they have their nose in a phone, in a tablet or in a handheld game. But, by God, they can tell me all I need to know about the latest Vines, music videos, game cheats and celebrity gossip. Talk about a Zombie Apocalypse, we're creating one right before our eyes. No monkeys included.

Minor Facebook Friends?

I recently started receiving Facebook friend requests from my children's friends. This is uncharted territory for my husband and me. We haven't even allowed our own children to open their own social media accounts and yet we are now receiving friend requests from what are basically little kids. This is the time for us to form a united front. What are we to do in order to protect our privacy and the feelings of our children's friends?

I have to take a stand when it comes to subjecting innocents, at least those I have not raised, to some of the frenzied debates that we start that can get a bit... colorful and ....rowdy and....bawdy on our chosen platforms. I cannot in good conscience have a new generation getting a lesson in politics, history, current events, vocabulary, ethics, work place etiquette, musical tastes (although that might be an improvement), or how to deal with nosy neighbors, bad bosses, lousy in-laws, crazy kids, wanton women, horny husbands, raucous roommates, video game vigilantes, pandering partners, insulting instigators, liars, cheaters, and life in general from a generation that actually had to work hard for their money. Those lessons are reserved for my children's ears alone and they have to earn them through the blood, sweat and tears they shed when we are lecturing them endlessly after they screw up.

Our children are already all too well acquainted with our foul mouths, quirky brand of humor and (my) sharp temper. All things that could be taken out of context by a minor. Especially those that only know us peripherally. Thus we have made the decision not to accept friend requests from any of our kid's friends.

Too many things could go wrong. My husband and I could share an opinion that varies greatly with the ideologies of their friend's family. We do our best to be open and explain all viewpoints to our children while still holding firm to our own beliefs and opinions, but we also recognize that not everyone is this way. I would hate for something I say to be held against my children.

Secondly, this stage of their friendships, in all likelihood, won't stand the test of time. I don't want to be caught in the center of Middle School Friendship Wars. I never played those games as a child and I won't play them now either.

Finally, as much as I love my children's friends, I don't know that it is entirely appropriate for us to be associated with them on social media. First of all, we are adults and therefore we are expected to set a certain example. But we are human, and we aren't always going to be at our best when conversing with our friends on Facebook or tweeting back and forth on Twitter. The facade drops, our language gets more casual (I for one have one heck of a potty mouth), and we are more apt to say what is truly on our minds. Now compare that to how you would talk to your kid's friends. Get the picture? Not such a sterling example anymore, are you?

That's not to say I don't have any minors on my Facebook feed. But they are related to me. And I love them and they love me unconditionally. Or at least they do a pretty good job at pretending not to be ashamed of me come Christmas time.

To all the minors out there, I want you to get to know me. But I want the image you have in your mind to be the cool, fun mom you met and not the foul-mouthed, obnoxious lady on Facebook.

The STAARs at Night

There is a big debate going on right now about the validity and fairness of standardized testing. I don't have a high school student (yet) so I admit I am ignorant on the debate about making the test's scores part of a student's final grade. I do, however, have a fifth grade student and her final score could impede her progress of going on to enjoy middle school with her friends.

All of my kids are different when it comes to their strengths and weaknesses. My fifth grade daughter has always struggled in academics but she shines in her artistic pursuits. She was a late reader and it takes her longer to catch on to mathematical concepts than it does my other children. She has no learning disabilities, it's just how she is. And we accept her for that. That doesn't mean that we don't expect her to work hard or that we give up on her or that we don't do everything we can to help her succeed. She is 100% capable of learning and she will do it, she just does it at her own pace. In fact her little mind is like a steel trap; once she latches on to a concept it stays there forever. We encourage her to ask questions in class, she goes to tutoring, we work with her on her homework, her teachers send extra practice home, we print out our own workbook pages on weekends and on long breaks. My daughter will be prepared for life. 

So what's the problem, you ask? Testing. Not just the STAAR (State of Texas Assessments of Academic Readiness), but the benchmarks and the district assessments and the teacher's exams. Is there a week or a day that goes by that these kids don't have a test? Is there a time that these teachers can actually teach and not administer an exam? Is there a time that these kids can relax and not worry about when their next assessment is coming up? 

As I said before, each of my children are very different. My son is in seventh grade. He could care less if there a test coming up. He barely has to study for his exams and he makes an 'A'. He breezes through his assessments, comes home, does his homework, practices his trumpet and then reads his comic books without a second thought. My fifth grade daughter was completely stressed about the STAAR test. She knew that she was struggling in math and she knew that if she didn't pass the STAAR she may not pass the fifth grade. That was a lot of pressure for an eleven year old. The only thing that made it easier on her was the knowledge that she could work her math problems out her way. No one was going to be coming up behind her telling her that she wasn't working her problems out the way that the district required. My youngest, my third grader daughter, cries every time she has to take any kind of test. But then she goes to school and usually does very well. I have never been able to pinpoint why she gets so anxious, considering she generally gets good grades. The only thing I can think of is that it seems that nearly every week she is taking a test of some sort and she gets burned out taking them.

I honestly don't know what to do about this conundrum. I have seen example questions of what my district feels their standards ought to be. I have seen example questions the STAAR test feels the nation's standards ought to be. They are in line with each other and neither feels that out of line to me. If yours aren't, SPEAK UP! It's you're right as a parent, as an educator, as a board member, as a tax payer! Demand better!

Here is my (ideal) proposed solution to the too much testing problem. IF the district is doing their job and hiring quality educators, THEN the exams that the quality educator comes up with should be a fair assessment of a student's understanding of the material learned in the classroom. A teacher's exams should replace a district's benchmark tests, which I don't see a need for to begin with considering my district insists on districts exams as well. Getting rid of just one test frees up much more time for actual classroom instruction. As for state mandated or national mandated tests, I can't help you with that. You reap what you sow. If you want change, you have to make change. Educate yourself before going to the polls. We've gotten ourselves into this mess, we can get ourselves out of it.

By the way, my daughter passed the STAAR and I am one proud mama. 

The Computer Age

Social media has offered our children a whole new world of opportunities. Research has become so much easier and faster. Gone are the days of Dewey. Long live Google. Banned books are no longer really banned. They can be downloaded, for a price, to any e-reader.  Pornography is available at the touch of a finger. Videos are forever imprinted on the internet. Cyber-bullying is in full swing. Wait... What did I say? Pornography? Videos? Bullying? What are our kids really up to?

I always fancied myself a laid back mom. When we had kids we had visions of talking to our children about the dangers of the world. Internet included. We had decided that we wouldn't be those parents that would put parental locks on the television or on the computer because everything was in a common area. We eliminated the need. There was no way they could seek out "danger" without us knowing about it.

Boy were we wrong.

It used to be that boys would look under the mattress or in the closet or garage or wherever for their dad's Playboys, Juggs, Hustler or Penthouse Magazines. But hard copies are so passe. Who wants to scour through articles to get to the good stuff when you're a twelve year boy who's curious about the female form? Not today's youth. Not when it's so easy to snag a laptop when your mom is taking a nap or cooking dinner. Not when any search engine will give you all the answers you need to know. And some you don't.

All I have to say is thank God for the History function on my browser.

I understand that boys will boys. This is really not much different than snagging Dad's mags and sneaking a peak. But it's so much more dangerous. There are so many things that a boy can accidentally stumble upon that we as parents don't want him to see. And once you see something, you can't unsee it. So it is up to us to protect our kids from the internet. I succumbed. We installed a parental control on the kids' side of the computer. And the television downstairs. Sigh...

But how we do control what they do at other people's homes? The truth is, we don't. We have to trust our kids to do the right thing. When I was high school I was working on a class project with a couple of boys. We were all together at one boy's house putting the final touches on our project. When we were done, they decided to get on the internet and search for sexy pictures of Teri Hatcher. Of course all that was available then was dial up on early home computers and the picture never fully loaded. That memory sticks out clearly in my brain. Boys being boys in an era that was slowly changing. The point is, we can't control what they do at their friend's houses but we can try to monitor it if we're sneaky.

My kids made the mistake of telling me that they had made a YouTube video with the kids down the street. I found it and watched it. It was completely innocent. Basically they were just playing a game in the front yard. The point, however, was that my minor children were video taped by other minor children and posted it on the internet to a minor child's YouTube account for the world to see. Of course I was furious. Not at the content, but at the sheer naivete of their actions. They had no idea that what they did was wrong. They didn't have parental approval from me to be on the internet. The account holder is under age and has a public account. These children don't know how to set privacy settings to protect themselves (or my kids), yet they have been given this powerful technology by their own parents. I now regularly check this account for videos. Yes, I am a stalker. I know who this person is watching, commenting on, posting and doing every minute of every day. The things we do to watch out for our kids.

My children (ages 12, 10, and 8) don't have cell phones, iPads, Game-boys, Nintendo DS or any other handheld electronic devices. We made that decision as parents to keep our kids part of a real community, not a cyber one. They walk with their heads held high, not staring at a screen. I'm not against the advancement of technology. In fact they use technology everyday and are very adept at it. I'm just against placing such power in the hands of those who don't understand how to use it. There's enough of that in the adult world.

So call me old fashioned, over protective, hypocritical... Call me what you will. But my kids came to understand why I felt what they did was wrong. So maybe we did get to have our dialogue about the dangers of the world after all. And do you know what? It was a good talk.

The Friend Zone

I'm sure all of us had friends that our parents didn't approve of for one reason or another. Be it their long hair, surly attitude, secretive ways or lack of volume control, there was always a reason to find fault with our friends. Of course I never understood any of this as an adolescent. As an adult, however....

My kids' friends can be so annoying. Not only do they not have an instant understanding of our house rules, but the things they do make me wonder if they are even raised in a house. Here are 10 simple and I think very logical rules to follow:

#1. My House is NOT a Restaurant (unless you want to pay me)

I love to cook and I am happy to report that my kids love what I make. Yes, my children can be somewhat to blame by offering their friends snacks, but do not take advantage of a host's kindness and raid the fridge. Additionally, a simple "May I have a drink?" goes a lot further than helping yourself to whatever you can find in my kitchen. I am happy to pop popcorn for movies and provide glasses of water or kool-aid, but let's refrain from getting sugared up on cokes and candy while you're running amok through my home.

#2. Knock Before You Enter

This goes for all people that are not personal close friends of my husband and I. Our family and a select few of our friends have the privilege of making our house their home. They know who they are without question. I can tell you right now that if you have yet to go through puberty, you had best knock and wait for an answer before entering my domicile. 

#3. If you Break Something, Fess Up

Look, I have three kids, a dog, an elderly mother in law and a clumsy husband. I don't have much valuable in my house so chances are if you break something, I probably got it at a discount or second hand. Just tell me. I'm not going to freak out about it unless it was something that was in my bedroom or in the china cabinet where you weren't supposed to be anyway.  

#4. Remember Your Place

I know that there are many types of personalities in this world and I am not the kind of mom to stifle my own kids' quirks, be it bossiness, creativity, or surliness. Within reason, of course. But you're not my kid. I try to teach the art of compromise in my home. It's the best way I have to deal with all the strong personalities I have growing and developing and teach then how to deal with each other. Either take turns or play separately. If you can't deal with that, feel free to go home. How's that for compromise?

#5. Please and Thank You

Am I the only parent that still teaches those little words? Likewise, I hope my children remember their manners when they are in other people's homes...

#6. If You're Bored Then You're Boring

I try not to let my kids play video games, watch movies or tv, or scour the internet for hours on end. They don't own any handheld devices or cell phones. They do have little iPod shuffles and headphones, but nothing fancy. I like to make them go outside and play. In fact we have a lot of outdoors toys. If it's raining or too hot, I make them use this thing called an 'imagination'. So if you come over, expect to get some exercise be it physically or mentally. I admit, there are times I could try harder and have some organized activities ready for just this scenario, but I'm not the one who's bored.  

#7. Use Your Technology Responsibly

I know kids these days (that made me sound old) have fancier phones than I do, but I still expect them to use them responsibly when they're in my house. My youngest child is seven and is more easily susceptible to nightmares than my other two. We are big movie buffs and tend to watch a variety of horror films quite frequently. The rule in our house is that if you feel it is too scary, you are free to excuse yourself. But if you watch it, watch it at your own risk. Recently, my youngest has been having nightmares, claiming to be afraid of the dark and refusing to even go to the bathroom alone. We couldn't figure out why because she hadn't been watching any 'scary' movies with us. It turns out that she was watching scary movies clips on YouTube on a friend's phone. What an eight year needs with that technology, I will never know. So now I have to monitor not only my kids' internet activity but their friends as well so I don't have anymore wake up calls at 4:30 in the morning.

#8. Don't Invite Yourself to Spend the Night

I don't mind sleepovers. I like having a bunch of kids camping out in the living room, watching movies and making memories. However, chances are, if you had to invite yourself, I didn't want you there to begin with.

#9. Talk to Me

I am not a big hairy monster that's going to tell all the kids at school that embarrassing thing you did at my house. That's my kids' job. Just talk to me. Nothing bothers me more than a kid that doesn't speak up. I don't know whether you're shy or shady. It's best not to give me a reason not to trust you. 

#10. If You're Not Allowed to at You're House...

If you're not allowed to do it at you're house, chances are you can't do it at mine. This includes, but is not limited to, jumping on the bed, yelling, screaming, roughhousing, running, ruining dinner, eating tons of junk food, being rude or bossy, terrorizing the dog, hogging the game controls, talking back, or leaving a mess for yours truly to clean up.

If you follow these simple rules, your kid will have a great time over here. I love letting my girls do crafts and bake cupcakes. My son and his friends have all sorts of zombie apocalypse games that they have made up to play outside. I like taking the kids to the neighborhood pool and to the library. They can go to the park or wash the car or their bikes. We have more games than I can name or have storage for. I'm not stingy when it comes to video games, movies or tv. I just try to make sure that everyone agrees on what is played. And of course the house has to be presentable before we have company. After all, Mommy has to get something out of the deal.