Body Image

I recently noticed that my youngest one, a daughter aged seven, has been making comments like, "I need to exercise", "Look how many inches I have lost", and "My tummy looks big today". I was floored to hear these comments coming from sweet seven year old. Especially one as active (and not needing to lose weight) as mine. It didn't take very long for the light bulb to click and realize that she was doing what kids do best. Copying Mommy.

Body image is one of those subjects that doesn't get talked about until there is a problem. A negative body image can have very damaging consequences. Eating disorders, low self esteem, and depression are just a few examples. When someone is suffering from a poor body image, we take it upon ourselves to try to boost them up so they feel better. We reassure and encourage them. After all, we've all been there, haven't we? Then we talk about them as if something were wrong. How could they feel so badly about themselves? Or how did they let themselves get to this point? How come no one noticed sooner? And we act like we don't understand. On the flip side, have you ever noticed that we always describe people in the most negative of terms when they have a healthy body image? Someone who is happy with the way they are is suddenly conceited, vain, pompous, arrogant, cocky, narcissistic, egotistical, stuck-up, or snooty. We can never just be happy for those with a healthy body image. And heaven forbid  that those who are satisfied with themselves be imperfect in society's eyes. But we form society's opinions. We are society's eyes, ears, brains, and mouths. It's a vicious cycle that we stuck ourselves in. It affects us as mothers as we struggle to accept the changes that motherhood has made to our bodies. And it affects our children as they see us struggle.

Fifty years ago, the average woman weighed roughly 120 pounds and wore about a size eight. Today the average woman weighs about 145 pounds and wears a size 12-14. Fifty years ago, we had to be a lot more active to get things done. We forget that convenience wasn't always at our fingertips. Kids didn't have video games and mindless cartoons to entertain them. In fact, television wasn't even broadcast 24 hours a day like it is now. Food had to be prepared because TV dinners were still pretty new. There was no internet so you still had to physically go somewhere to mail a letter or talk to someone. No wonder people were smaller. Sizes have even changed to appease our vanity. A size 8 in the 1950's is roughly a size 2/4 today. Our fashion models have even gotten skinnier. Twenty years they were wearing a size 8. Today they wear a size 0. Our most famous stars are averaging a size 2-4.

It's no wonder that I struggle with my body image. I never bought into the idea that because we are constantly bombarded by images that I would somehow be affected. I thought I was smarter than that. I had a theory that because I had educated myself on the topic, I could avoid the pitfalls of a poor body image. It only took my fat clothes becoming my skinny clothes for me to become obsessed with my body image. And when I became obsessed, so did my daughter.

It didn't matter that I wasn't talking about her. It didn't matter that I wasn't asking her to exercise or eat less or eat better or watch her weight or the millions of other things we tell ourselves to do. She was copying me and I was doing it to myself. What should matter is that she says I'm beautiful and that she loves me and that she says I'm the best mom ever.

So I'll climb down off my soap-box now and be honest with myself. Yeah, I'm not real happy with my pudgy belly or my floppy arms. And maybe my legs aren't as nice as they used to be. But not being proud of who I am is affecting how my kids feel about themselves. I should hold my head a little higher and cut myself some slack. I've been through a lot to get here. My kids like me just the way I am. There's nothing wrong with wanting a little self improvement. I just need to go about it in a way that has a positive effect on my children's lives. The things we do have a lasting effect on our children. Let's make sure they are positive.


If you or someone you know needs help with an eating disorder please contact:
NEDA
NIH
Mayo Clinic

Fifty years ago information link here