Boys and Pimples and Hair! Oh, My!

It's amazing how much has changed from one school year to the next. This year I am officially the mother of a high schooler! I know, scary, right? This year all of my children are in three different schools. This will never happen again. I have one in high school, one in middle school and one in elementary school. And I couldn't be prouder of all three of my little snowflakes.

My son started marching band in high school. He is officially taller than me now by at least a couple of inches. In fact I have started feeling a little awkward reaching up to hug him. What happened? He was always in top band in middle school, and now, in high school, he is also in the top band as an incoming freshman! Quite an accomplishment for my little man. And a little man is definitely what he is becoming. He has started to get all the mood swings typical with being a teenager. It is exhausting to stay on top of it, but I tell you now that it is well worth it. My son is still respectful, polite, happy, funny and charming. Most days. He still has his dark side. Like all kids, he is still pushing his limits and trying to see what he can get away with, which isn't much. And like all kids, learning to drive is most prevalent in his mind. Eek!

My eldest daughter started seventh grade this year, so this isn't her first rodeo. She is coming very close to passing me up on the height scale, too, but I should point out that it isn't very hard to do. This year she was much more concerned about her hair. Oh, her precious hair! This summer she wanted to dye it blue and we tried to do it with Kool-Aid but her hair is very dark and it didn't show up very well. Then we tried it with a temporary hair color and it still didn't show up very well. Now she wants to just dye her hair a different, but normal hair color. I keep trying to explain to her that with dark hair there is only so much we can do. So right now we're settling on straightening her wavy locks each morning before school. Today's freak out was over a tiny little pimple on her forehead. I didn't even see it until she pointed it out, but apparently it was huge! Like, gigantic! At least she's not chasing boys. More like she's busy bossing them around. She doesn't put up with much BS from anyone anymore, not since learning the hard way what makes a good friend. She leaves chasing the boys to my youngest.

My youngest is in her last year of elementary school and couldn't be in more of a hurry to grow up. She frequently has conversations with her BFF about which boys they have crushes on (tee hee) and which boys are just gross (blech). She has most recently taken to stealing her older sister's sports bras and wearing them to school, much to big sis' displeasure, because, you know, she doesn't even need them. But as I have to remind big sis, the whole reason she has the sports bras to begin with was because she was so desperate to wear a bra just like all her little friends were. And that is just what my youngest is doing. As to the boys? I finally had a sit down with my baby girl about chasing boys. We reached an understanding that boys can wait, education is her main priority right now. Let's hope she keeps that in mind for a very long time.

I'm excited for this year. I am very involved in my son's band program. I was in band and loved it. I'm looking forward to my oldest daughter's choir concerts. My youngest daughter is usually pretty involved with student council and might be again this year, we'll have to wait and see. I hope all of you have a fantastic school year!

Kids and Their Gadgets

Last night, my son had the opportunity to perform in a short concert with the top band in the high school he is matriculating to next year. So naturally I was there to cheer my baby on. Whenever I go to one of my children's performances, I expect to hear a fantastic production and I have never been disappointed. What I don't expect, however, is to see a four year old with a pair of Beats headphones and his own mini iPad roaming the aisles.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but these tablets still retail for a couple hundred bucks. Not to mention that a pair of Beats headphones are at least $150. So this mother was trusting her four year old with up to $500 worth of equipment. I don't even trust my 14 year old with that much.

I honestly don't know what is happening to people that they feel they can't get their children to sit through a 30 minute concert without resorting to placating them with phones, tablets, handheld games, mp3 players... Wait. Mp3 players? At a concert? Where the music is being provided for you?

If that's not bad enough, parents are allowing children to take their phones under the guise of snapping photos of their siblings, but in reality they are running amok in the auditorium with other like-minded children. And no one, but me, the mean, nasty, ill-tempered, evil mother who just wants to hear her child perform, will tell these kids to kindly shut up and go away. Not even the owner of these loudmouthed hellions seems to notice. Or care. Maybe they have their Beats headphones on.

Call me old fashioned, but I also believe in having a family dinner. I have a "No Tech at the Table" policy. That includes the adults. There is nothing that my husband and I hate more than seeing an entire family out to dinner and watching them completely ignore each other because they are engrossed in their phone conversations. If I am going to spend my time preparing you a yummy, delicious dinner or pay my hard earned money to take you out, the least you can do is talk to me. I gave birth to you, after all, the least I can do is get to know you.

As of this moment in time, my children do not have cell phones. I'm not against it, I just don't feel it has been necessary as of yet. I think we are getting closer and closer to that point now that they are expanding their social calendars and extracurricular commitments. My kids are in band, choir and student council. They have friends all over the neighborhood and frequently stay after school for rehearsals. My husband works long hours and I sometimes need to be in two places at once. There have been times where it would have been convenient to reach out and call or text my kids to let them know I was running late or to ask them where I need to be. But we have managed just fine so far without the gadgets. So maybe the phones can wait a little longer.

I think it's a shame that children are missing out on their sibling's performances, family conversations, the world around them, new experiences and any number of other things because they have their nose in a phone, in a tablet or in a handheld game. But, by God, they can tell me all I need to know about the latest Vines, music videos, game cheats and celebrity gossip. Talk about a Zombie Apocalypse, we're creating one right before our eyes. No monkeys included.

Minor Facebook Friends?

I recently started receiving Facebook friend requests from my children's friends. This is uncharted territory for my husband and me. We haven't even allowed our own children to open their own social media accounts and yet we are now receiving friend requests from what are basically little kids. This is the time for us to form a united front. What are we to do in order to protect our privacy and the feelings of our children's friends?

I have to take a stand when it comes to subjecting innocents, at least those I have not raised, to some of the frenzied debates that we start that can get a bit... colorful and ....rowdy and....bawdy on our chosen platforms. I cannot in good conscience have a new generation getting a lesson in politics, history, current events, vocabulary, ethics, work place etiquette, musical tastes (although that might be an improvement), or how to deal with nosy neighbors, bad bosses, lousy in-laws, crazy kids, wanton women, horny husbands, raucous roommates, video game vigilantes, pandering partners, insulting instigators, liars, cheaters, and life in general from a generation that actually had to work hard for their money. Those lessons are reserved for my children's ears alone and they have to earn them through the blood, sweat and tears they shed when we are lecturing them endlessly after they screw up.

Our children are already all too well acquainted with our foul mouths, quirky brand of humor and (my) sharp temper. All things that could be taken out of context by a minor. Especially those that only know us peripherally. Thus we have made the decision not to accept friend requests from any of our kid's friends.

Too many things could go wrong. My husband and I could share an opinion that varies greatly with the ideologies of their friend's family. We do our best to be open and explain all viewpoints to our children while still holding firm to our own beliefs and opinions, but we also recognize that not everyone is this way. I would hate for something I say to be held against my children.

Secondly, this stage of their friendships, in all likelihood, won't stand the test of time. I don't want to be caught in the center of Middle School Friendship Wars. I never played those games as a child and I won't play them now either.

Finally, as much as I love my children's friends, I don't know that it is entirely appropriate for us to be associated with them on social media. First of all, we are adults and therefore we are expected to set a certain example. But we are human, and we aren't always going to be at our best when conversing with our friends on Facebook or tweeting back and forth on Twitter. The facade drops, our language gets more casual (I for one have one heck of a potty mouth), and we are more apt to say what is truly on our minds. Now compare that to how you would talk to your kid's friends. Get the picture? Not such a sterling example anymore, are you?

That's not to say I don't have any minors on my Facebook feed. But they are related to me. And I love them and they love me unconditionally. Or at least they do a pretty good job at pretending not to be ashamed of me come Christmas time.

To all the minors out there, I want you to get to know me. But I want the image you have in your mind to be the cool, fun mom you met and not the foul-mouthed, obnoxious lady on Facebook.

Why I Let my Kids Watch Scary Movies

We have a tradition in my house. Every October we try to squeeze in as many horror films as humanly possibly before the month is over. Sometimes they are truly terrible B films, some are great horror classics, some are mediocre remakes, others are arrogant attempts at something original but all offer some entertainment value. Why have we made this a family tradition, no different than watching Christmas movies every December? Why do I let my kids watch scary movies?

During the month of October, many television stations run little mini documentaries about the behind the scenes action of haunted houses, special effects make up, horror movies and such. My kids can't get enough of these little insights into what it takes to scare someone. They especially love learning about the how to create the gore themselves with everyday household objects. It doesn't make a good scary movie any less scary, but knowing that it isn't real creates a safe environment in which to enjoy the scare.

Do my kids have nightmares? Of course they do; they're kids. But do they have more nightmares after watching a scary movie than say, a family friendly picture? Of course not. Watching these movies has become a bonding experience for us. We all cuddle up on the couch together, stay up late, make fun of the terrible acting, predict what is coming up next and cover each other's eyes when we don't want to see something. My youngest, aged nine, has been known on more than one occasion to fall asleep in the middle of a movie. We just cover her up and push 'PLAY'.

What about the violence they are exposed to? Here is my thought on that. They already know, from watching the documentaries on tv, talking to us (their ever knowledgeable parents) and participating in Halloween traditions that monsters aren't real, and that the carnage they are inflicting in the movies we are watching is fake. It is full of props, fake blood, actors and is filmed (in large part) on a studio lot in a fictional location based on a fictional story. Not once has one my children ever tried to recreate any of the events they have seen in a horror film because they know those people are paid actors and stuntmen, not little children who will get hurt doing the same thing. In fact, my children play less violently in their pretend play than most children that I know that are censored strictly from violence on television.

Being a little scared sometimes may not be all that bad for you. Fear sharpens your senses. It gets your blood pumping through your heart, lungs and brain. The feeling is followed by a release of adrenaline and then you can relax, feeling good because all the action is at a safe distance away on the television screen and you are surrounded by the people who love you the most and would never let any harm come to you.

Why do I let my kids watch horror movies? Because they know they're not real. Because they know what they're in for. Because they love spending time with their parents. Because they want to. It has become our tradition.

The Computer Age

Social media has offered our children a whole new world of opportunities. Research has become so much easier and faster. Gone are the days of Dewey. Long live Google. Banned books are no longer really banned. They can be downloaded, for a price, to any e-reader.  Pornography is available at the touch of a finger. Videos are forever imprinted on the internet. Cyber-bullying is in full swing. Wait... What did I say? Pornography? Videos? Bullying? What are our kids really up to?

I always fancied myself a laid back mom. When we had kids we had visions of talking to our children about the dangers of the world. Internet included. We had decided that we wouldn't be those parents that would put parental locks on the television or on the computer because everything was in a common area. We eliminated the need. There was no way they could seek out "danger" without us knowing about it.

Boy were we wrong.

It used to be that boys would look under the mattress or in the closet or garage or wherever for their dad's Playboys, Juggs, Hustler or Penthouse Magazines. But hard copies are so passe. Who wants to scour through articles to get to the good stuff when you're a twelve year boy who's curious about the female form? Not today's youth. Not when it's so easy to snag a laptop when your mom is taking a nap or cooking dinner. Not when any search engine will give you all the answers you need to know. And some you don't.

All I have to say is thank God for the History function on my browser.

I understand that boys will boys. This is really not much different than snagging Dad's mags and sneaking a peak. But it's so much more dangerous. There are so many things that a boy can accidentally stumble upon that we as parents don't want him to see. And once you see something, you can't unsee it. So it is up to us to protect our kids from the internet. I succumbed. We installed a parental control on the kids' side of the computer. And the television downstairs. Sigh...

But how we do control what they do at other people's homes? The truth is, we don't. We have to trust our kids to do the right thing. When I was high school I was working on a class project with a couple of boys. We were all together at one boy's house putting the final touches on our project. When we were done, they decided to get on the internet and search for sexy pictures of Teri Hatcher. Of course all that was available then was dial up on early home computers and the picture never fully loaded. That memory sticks out clearly in my brain. Boys being boys in an era that was slowly changing. The point is, we can't control what they do at their friend's houses but we can try to monitor it if we're sneaky.

My kids made the mistake of telling me that they had made a YouTube video with the kids down the street. I found it and watched it. It was completely innocent. Basically they were just playing a game in the front yard. The point, however, was that my minor children were video taped by other minor children and posted it on the internet to a minor child's YouTube account for the world to see. Of course I was furious. Not at the content, but at the sheer naivete of their actions. They had no idea that what they did was wrong. They didn't have parental approval from me to be on the internet. The account holder is under age and has a public account. These children don't know how to set privacy settings to protect themselves (or my kids), yet they have been given this powerful technology by their own parents. I now regularly check this account for videos. Yes, I am a stalker. I know who this person is watching, commenting on, posting and doing every minute of every day. The things we do to watch out for our kids.

My children (ages 12, 10, and 8) don't have cell phones, iPads, Game-boys, Nintendo DS or any other handheld electronic devices. We made that decision as parents to keep our kids part of a real community, not a cyber one. They walk with their heads held high, not staring at a screen. I'm not against the advancement of technology. In fact they use technology everyday and are very adept at it. I'm just against placing such power in the hands of those who don't understand how to use it. There's enough of that in the adult world.

So call me old fashioned, over protective, hypocritical... Call me what you will. But my kids came to understand why I felt what they did was wrong. So maybe we did get to have our dialogue about the dangers of the world after all. And do you know what? It was a good talk.