Let's Talk About Sex in Songs...

I think I have reached the ripe old age of whatever it was that my parents started cringing at the songs that were on the radio. However, gone are the seemingly innocent days and sultry sounds of Marvin Gaye as we welcome a new era of pop songs with dance beats and hidden meanings. That's not to say that lyricists didn't hide innuendos in songs 20, 30, and 40 plus years ago. Sex has always been a topic of interest in the human mind. Maybe it's just that I didn't notice it as much before the words started coming out of my teen daughters' mouths. Somehow, songs lose their luster when heard that way.

One of the most popular songs in 2015 was "Cake on the Ocean" by DNCE. I think it has a catchy chorus. In fact, the chorus is all I know and when the song comes on it's all I sing. I have a habit of blasting iHeart Radio or Pandora when I'm cooking, cleaning, or writing. Often my daughters will take over and choose their favorite stations when they tire of mine. One day, my eldest daughter and her best friend (both 14 years old) and my youngest daughter (12 years old) were hanging in the living room with me when "Cake by the Ocean" came on. I sang along. Hilarity ensued.

My daughter and her best friend melted in a fit of giggles. "Don't you know what that song is about?" Of course I do. It's about eating cake by the ocean. Who doesn't like that? To tell the truth, I've lived within driving distance of the Gulf Coast my whole life and I have not once eaten cake by the ocean. Sandwiches, chips, beer... Yes. Cake. No. It was then I was informed that this song was about sex by the ocean. What? That never occurred to me. In fact, that sounds down right uncomfortable.

So here are the facts. The songwriters say it could be about sex or it could be about cake. It started about a misunderstanding about the drink Sex on the Beach. So, I guess the song could literally be about eating cake by the ocean or sex on the beach. Either way it is filled with titillating lyrics like, "See you licking frosting from your own hands/Want another taste, I'm begging you, yes ma'am". You be the judge...

Added with permission from Pixabay.com

I don't know very much Spanish but I know enough to understand that "Despacito" (2016) by Luis Fonsi Featuring Daddy Yankee and Justin Bieber is sensual. The word despacito translates to slowly so that right there should tell you something. There's not many things in life you sing about doing slowly. It's not about going to school or doing taxes, I can tell you that. I had a false sense of security for a short while. Then I discovered that my 14-year-old translated the lyrics and memorized the Spanish words to the song. It's poppy and she's industrious - what else would she do?

The one that got to me was my 12-year-old singing, "If you wanna a menage I got a tricycle," from Ariana Grande's "Side to Side" (2016). I think back and wonder if this is any worse than me singing the lyrics to "Love in an Elevator" (Aerosmith 1989) or "I Want Your Sex" (George Michael 1987). And the answer is YES! Because it's my kid doing it! I asked her if she knew what she was saying and thankfully she didn't. However, the 14-year-old did. Oh, man. Not to mention the song itself is about having so much sex you can't even walk straight!Oh, Ariana...

There is still some innocence in this story. Bruno Mars has a song titled "Versace on the Floor" (2016). The first time I heard it with my kids in the car I waited to see if they could catch the meaning of the song. I asked if they knew what Versace was. My youngest daughter said it was a man (partially true) and my eldest daughter said it was a sauce. You wouldn't believe how hard I laughed at that. At least they haven't learned everything they need to know about the birds and the bees just yet. I think I'll just let them keep thinking it's about a man covered with sauce lying on the floor. Works for me.

Added with permission from Pixabay.com

It is hard to think about songs that are not about love in some way. Sensual love, erotic love, true love, romantic love, one-night stands, broken hearts, friendship, looking for love, etc. Mix in a catchy tune and it's hard not to sing along. Add censorship, a la the PMRC, and conditions are ripe for finding creative ways for expression. It makes taboo subjects even more exciting. My 12-year-old told me this morning that she hoped the advice I give was to tell people to keep an open mind and to just talk to their kids about what they hear. I think the best advice I can give is to listen to our kids.

I would love to hear your stories about misheard lyrics, awkward moments about songs or anything else you can think of that has to do with music - especially if it has to do with parenting. Comment below, tweet me, or send me a message! I'll be sure to reply. 

Boys and Pimples and Hair! Oh, My!

It's amazing how much has changed from one school year to the next. This year I am officially the mother of a high schooler! I know, scary, right? This year all of my children are in three different schools. This will never happen again. I have one in high school, one in middle school and one in elementary school. And I couldn't be prouder of all three of my little snowflakes.

My son started marching band in high school. He is officially taller than me now by at least a couple of inches. In fact I have started feeling a little awkward reaching up to hug him. What happened? He was always in top band in middle school, and now, in high school, he is also in the top band as an incoming freshman! Quite an accomplishment for my little man. And a little man is definitely what he is becoming. He has started to get all the mood swings typical with being a teenager. It is exhausting to stay on top of it, but I tell you now that it is well worth it. My son is still respectful, polite, happy, funny and charming. Most days. He still has his dark side. Like all kids, he is still pushing his limits and trying to see what he can get away with, which isn't much. And like all kids, learning to drive is most prevalent in his mind. Eek!

My eldest daughter started seventh grade this year, so this isn't her first rodeo. She is coming very close to passing me up on the height scale, too, but I should point out that it isn't very hard to do. This year she was much more concerned about her hair. Oh, her precious hair! This summer she wanted to dye it blue and we tried to do it with Kool-Aid but her hair is very dark and it didn't show up very well. Then we tried it with a temporary hair color and it still didn't show up very well. Now she wants to just dye her hair a different, but normal hair color. I keep trying to explain to her that with dark hair there is only so much we can do. So right now we're settling on straightening her wavy locks each morning before school. Today's freak out was over a tiny little pimple on her forehead. I didn't even see it until she pointed it out, but apparently it was huge! Like, gigantic! At least she's not chasing boys. More like she's busy bossing them around. She doesn't put up with much BS from anyone anymore, not since learning the hard way what makes a good friend. She leaves chasing the boys to my youngest.

My youngest is in her last year of elementary school and couldn't be in more of a hurry to grow up. She frequently has conversations with her BFF about which boys they have crushes on (tee hee) and which boys are just gross (blech). She has most recently taken to stealing her older sister's sports bras and wearing them to school, much to big sis' displeasure, because, you know, she doesn't even need them. But as I have to remind big sis, the whole reason she has the sports bras to begin with was because she was so desperate to wear a bra just like all her little friends were. And that is just what my youngest is doing. As to the boys? I finally had a sit down with my baby girl about chasing boys. We reached an understanding that boys can wait, education is her main priority right now. Let's hope she keeps that in mind for a very long time.

I'm excited for this year. I am very involved in my son's band program. I was in band and loved it. I'm looking forward to my oldest daughter's choir concerts. My youngest daughter is usually pretty involved with student council and might be again this year, we'll have to wait and see. I hope all of you have a fantastic school year!

Finding Good Healthcare

I hate it when my kids get sick. And not for the usual reasons - the whining, the crying, the demands. And that's just from my husband, whom I think has a harder time dealing with sick kids than the actual ailing children. (Sorry, babe, but you know it's true. I still love you!) No, the problem we have when the kids fall ill is finding adequate healthcare.

I'm not sure if it is just part of our American culture - this desire to have everything right away, everything at our fingertips - or truly just a parent's need to care for their kids, but when it comes to our healthcare system, well, it sucks and always lets us down. I suppose we don't really have anyone to blame but ourselves but when it comes to actually trying to get well, we have done nothing but make it more difficult on ourselves.

Friday afternoon my oldest daughter came home sick with a really bad headache. I was concerned she had her first migraine, considering they run in the family, but after getting her home and making her comfortable I determined it was just a really bad sinus headache. My husband was concerned it may be the beginnings of a sinus infection and asked me to take her in to see a doctor. I disagreed with his opinion but went ahead anyway. That's marriage, right?

I arrived at a Walgreens Healthcare Clinic shortly after noon that day. I started to sign in for an appointment, because they only accept walk-ins, and a woman appeared from a doorway and told me to come after 2 because they were no longer accepting patients for the morning and they were going to lunch from 1 to 2. There was no "Hi", "Hello", "I'm sorry, but..." I replied that a sign would be nice so patients would know to seek medical attention elsewhere.

Now, I guess I can see how perhaps I was not as polite a customer as I could have been. However, whatever happened to the "customer is always right" mantra? I was polite, if a bit sarcastic, and was already walking away. But here I was with a kid sick, who was missing school, I was missing work (sort of) and I was trying to sign in to receive healthcare and all I hear is, "Come back later." So, yeah, a sign would have been nice. This conversation should have stopped there. But the young woman who told me to go away continued it. She said, "Regardless, you need to come back after 2."

So now I'm feeling that I don't really want your service anyway. I replied, "Well, regardless you should really post a sign somewhere," and continued to leave. She tried to get the last word in and called after me that their lunch hours were posted on the website. "No. They aren't," I replied with complete confidence and left.

And they are not. Walgreens #4696 states on its site "Walk-in always welcome! We may stop accepting new patients before closing due to high patient volume. The clinic closes for 1 hr M-F and 45 Sat-Sun. Times may vary." So I think there might be a flaw in your system. Plus a sign might still be nice.

The next closest Walgreens clinic happens to be one that accepts appointments. But they were full for the day. Of course. So we decided to come home and old-school it. Ibuprofen, Benadryl and a nap. And if she was feeling better we were going to go to Galveston for the weekend (which we did and had a spectacular time).

On Sunday, both of my daughters began to complain about ear pain. Great. We had just spent a fabulous weekend in Galveston, having a little fun in the sun, and now my two best girls were feeling under the weather. What was a mother to do?

Monday morning rolled around and we decided to keep them home from school. We also tried (again) to get them into a doctor. This time we tried the MediStop Clinic down the road from our house and a CVS Minute Clinic.

The MediStop Clinic was supposed to open at 9 am. We arrived at 9:05. It was closed.

So we drove down to the CVS Minute Clinic. We signed into their system and discovered that we would have about an hour and a half wait. We had to leave, though, because I had a cardiologist appointment that day, too, and couldn't be two places at one time. Sorry about that. The flaw in their system is that we couldn't find a way to cancel the appointment once it was made. We drove by the MediStop Clinic on the way home, hoping maybe, just maybe, it was open and they could squeeze the girls in. But no. They never even opened their doors and by now it was at least 10 am. So I obviously don't recommend going there.

We spent yesterday feeding the girls over the counter drugs, teaching them how to swallow pills for the first time and praying they would be well enough to go to school today. No such luck.

Today I sucked it up, went to a different CVS, because I stood the other guys up and didn't want to be recognized, and waited at the store for the full hour and a half for our appointment. What was the verdict you ask? One kid has an ear infection and the other is suffering from seasonal allergies. Well, at least they'll be better soon.

Through all of this I'm sure you're asking, "Why didn't she just go to her regular doctor?" Well, I'll tell you why not. Because the family practitioner we used to go to now only practices in Houston. And I'm not going to drive an hour to get to his office only to wait another hour or two just to see him for ten minutes and then drive an hour home. The one before that is no longer on our insurance. Thanks United! Another great decision you made on our behalf! And as much as I absolutely adore my pediatrician, I can never get a same day appointment with her anymore, she is that much in demand. We've been with her for 14 years and she has never steered us wrong, but it is so hard to get in to see her anymore.

I think that's the worst part of all of this. I love my regular doctors. Well, I used to, before I could no longer see them. So now not only am I stuck with only going to these stand alone clinics, I am stuck with crappy customer service, long waits, closed offices and unreliable hours to go along with them. And all for what? Because we wanted convenience at the tips of our fingers? Well, we got it! There are clinics everywhere offering fast, affordable and easy healthcare. But has any of this sounded very convenient to you?

A Place For Mom

Recently my husband and I had started making preparations for my mother in law to have a place of her own. She has been living with us seen we moved into our house nearly ten years ago. The arrangement originally was one meant to be mutually beneficial. We helped her take of her mother and she helped us take care of our three children while I went back to school and back to work.

The years went by, as they often do, and the situation has changed. Her mother has since passed away and my children are now at an age where they don't need quite as much adult supervision as they once did. Not to mention that I now work out my home office. (Work being a loose term for unemployed writer.) So I am here to deal with any life threatening emergencies such as running out of milk, missing homework, unruly hair, unwashed band uniforms and forgotten lunches.

I went from feeling like I had to accept this intrusion in my life to feeling that the best thing for her was to be more independent. I felt like I was some sort of advocate. I thought the best thing for mom was to parent her from afar. We would be able to monitor her via phone calls and my husband has access to her bank account so we would know what she was spending her money on. The insurance company arranges transportation to all her doctor appointments and I already do all her shopping for her. See? I kept telling myself. Nothing would change. She would happy. I would be happy. All would be well.

And then it hit me.

One Sunday morning my husband and I were making a big family breakfast, as we often do. I knocked on my mother-in-law's bedroom door to give her a plate of eggs, bacon and toast, cooked just the way she liked them. I entered her room and she was still drowsy with sleep.

She looked as though she hadn't slept very well. Her white hair stood out at odd angles away from her face. She had bags under her eyes. She was groping around blindly for her glasses. I realized then how small and shrunken her body had become. My mother-in-law is a tall, broad shouldered woman but at that moment she looked so frail and tiny. Her skin hung off her arms and legs, wobbling as she moved. Her hand shook as she reached out for her plate of eggs. The only strong thing about her was her voice.

I can't leave her.

I went back to the kitchen and told my husband that I could do this. I could take care of her. Never mind all my fuss. I don't think he has ever been so shocked. He literally starting looking in the kitchen cabinets for the real me, like a was a pod person sent here to bend him to my will.

Well, now our plans have changed. We have outgrown our home. Instead of trying to find a new one this year for a family of five, we are re-budgeting for two more years for a family of six. With a little more tightening of the belts, a little more elbow grease and a lot of dedication, I think we just might make it.

The things we do for family.

Minor Facebook Friends?

I recently started receiving Facebook friend requests from my children's friends. This is uncharted territory for my husband and me. We haven't even allowed our own children to open their own social media accounts and yet we are now receiving friend requests from what are basically little kids. This is the time for us to form a united front. What are we to do in order to protect our privacy and the feelings of our children's friends?

I have to take a stand when it comes to subjecting innocents, at least those I have not raised, to some of the frenzied debates that we start that can get a bit... colorful and ....rowdy and....bawdy on our chosen platforms. I cannot in good conscience have a new generation getting a lesson in politics, history, current events, vocabulary, ethics, work place etiquette, musical tastes (although that might be an improvement), or how to deal with nosy neighbors, bad bosses, lousy in-laws, crazy kids, wanton women, horny husbands, raucous roommates, video game vigilantes, pandering partners, insulting instigators, liars, cheaters, and life in general from a generation that actually had to work hard for their money. Those lessons are reserved for my children's ears alone and they have to earn them through the blood, sweat and tears they shed when we are lecturing them endlessly after they screw up.

Our children are already all too well acquainted with our foul mouths, quirky brand of humor and (my) sharp temper. All things that could be taken out of context by a minor. Especially those that only know us peripherally. Thus we have made the decision not to accept friend requests from any of our kid's friends.

Too many things could go wrong. My husband and I could share an opinion that varies greatly with the ideologies of their friend's family. We do our best to be open and explain all viewpoints to our children while still holding firm to our own beliefs and opinions, but we also recognize that not everyone is this way. I would hate for something I say to be held against my children.

Secondly, this stage of their friendships, in all likelihood, won't stand the test of time. I don't want to be caught in the center of Middle School Friendship Wars. I never played those games as a child and I won't play them now either.

Finally, as much as I love my children's friends, I don't know that it is entirely appropriate for us to be associated with them on social media. First of all, we are adults and therefore we are expected to set a certain example. But we are human, and we aren't always going to be at our best when conversing with our friends on Facebook or tweeting back and forth on Twitter. The facade drops, our language gets more casual (I for one have one heck of a potty mouth), and we are more apt to say what is truly on our minds. Now compare that to how you would talk to your kid's friends. Get the picture? Not such a sterling example anymore, are you?

That's not to say I don't have any minors on my Facebook feed. But they are related to me. And I love them and they love me unconditionally. Or at least they do a pretty good job at pretending not to be ashamed of me come Christmas time.

To all the minors out there, I want you to get to know me. But I want the image you have in your mind to be the cool, fun mom you met and not the foul-mouthed, obnoxious lady on Facebook.

Why I Let my Kids Watch Scary Movies

We have a tradition in my house. Every October we try to squeeze in as many horror films as humanly possibly before the month is over. Sometimes they are truly terrible B films, some are great horror classics, some are mediocre remakes, others are arrogant attempts at something original but all offer some entertainment value. Why have we made this a family tradition, no different than watching Christmas movies every December? Why do I let my kids watch scary movies?

During the month of October, many television stations run little mini documentaries about the behind the scenes action of haunted houses, special effects make up, horror movies and such. My kids can't get enough of these little insights into what it takes to scare someone. They especially love learning about the how to create the gore themselves with everyday household objects. It doesn't make a good scary movie any less scary, but knowing that it isn't real creates a safe environment in which to enjoy the scare.

Do my kids have nightmares? Of course they do; they're kids. But do they have more nightmares after watching a scary movie than say, a family friendly picture? Of course not. Watching these movies has become a bonding experience for us. We all cuddle up on the couch together, stay up late, make fun of the terrible acting, predict what is coming up next and cover each other's eyes when we don't want to see something. My youngest, aged nine, has been known on more than one occasion to fall asleep in the middle of a movie. We just cover her up and push 'PLAY'.

What about the violence they are exposed to? Here is my thought on that. They already know, from watching the documentaries on tv, talking to us (their ever knowledgeable parents) and participating in Halloween traditions that monsters aren't real, and that the carnage they are inflicting in the movies we are watching is fake. It is full of props, fake blood, actors and is filmed (in large part) on a studio lot in a fictional location based on a fictional story. Not once has one my children ever tried to recreate any of the events they have seen in a horror film because they know those people are paid actors and stuntmen, not little children who will get hurt doing the same thing. In fact, my children play less violently in their pretend play than most children that I know that are censored strictly from violence on television.

Being a little scared sometimes may not be all that bad for you. Fear sharpens your senses. It gets your blood pumping through your heart, lungs and brain. The feeling is followed by a release of adrenaline and then you can relax, feeling good because all the action is at a safe distance away on the television screen and you are surrounded by the people who love you the most and would never let any harm come to you.

Why do I let my kids watch horror movies? Because they know they're not real. Because they know what they're in for. Because they love spending time with their parents. Because they want to. It has become our tradition.

Free Summer 2014

I found out earlier this month that my wonderful neighborhood Home Owners Association has finally decided to remodel our pool. Isn't that great? The problem is, the work is starting now. At the start of swim season. Wasn't that nice of them? If you're like me, and I'm sure many of you are, local attractions (especially free ones) are the ones you need to rely on during the long summer months. So what's a family to do?

In my area, I found two theaters that have kid friendly movie programs for the summer. Carmike Cinemas is offering $4 seats every Thursday at 10 am starting on June 5. The $4 admission includes a small drink and a small popcorn. My particular theater is showing movies like The Lego Movie, Epic, Despicable Me 2, Rio, and The Croods. Check your local theater to see what they are showing this summer. Cinemark is offering ten movies for $5 if you purchase tickets in advance or one movie for $1 at the door. My particular theater is showing films like The Smurfs 2, Turbo, Mr. Peabody and Sherman, and Walking With Dinosaurs. Check your local listings for movies and show times.

How about bowling? Check out kidsbowlfree.com for a list of bowling alleys that are participating in this summer's first ever program to help give kids a fun and safe way to spend the hot summer months. Parents can register with their local bowling alley and give their kids two free games of bowling every day. AMF has had a similar program for the last few years offering three free games to kiddos aged 15 years and younger. So I guess it is just a matter of who is closer to you.

Reading programs are a great way to keep your kids reading this summer and some reading programs help your child earn free books and even some pocket change for their efforts. Barnes & Noble will reward kids ages 6-12 with a free book after they read eight books and turn in their reading journal to participating stores. Feed Your Brain is Half Price Book's summer reading program. Kids 14 and under can add up their reading minutes and turn in a log to earn $5 in bookworm bucks. Sylvan Learning Center has a free, interactive way to encourage kids to read by quizzing them on what they've read and giving them the opportunity to earn prizes in the process. I also you recommend you check out PBS, home of Reading Rainbow, to learn how to raise an enthusiastic reader. I firmly believe in the power of literacy.

And finally, Chuck E. Cheese wants to reward your kids for their good behavior.You can print off and bring in completed chore sheets to participating restaurants for 10 free game tokens.

As always there is the public library, community centers, the beach, bbq's and the ever popular chore list(!) to complete. I have a feeling my yard and house will never be cleaner without that silly pool to distract me this summer. In fact, I may have my kids read up on gardening and redecorating tips to get them started...

The STAARs at Night

There is a big debate going on right now about the validity and fairness of standardized testing. I don't have a high school student (yet) so I admit I am ignorant on the debate about making the test's scores part of a student's final grade. I do, however, have a fifth grade student and her final score could impede her progress of going on to enjoy middle school with her friends.

All of my kids are different when it comes to their strengths and weaknesses. My fifth grade daughter has always struggled in academics but she shines in her artistic pursuits. She was a late reader and it takes her longer to catch on to mathematical concepts than it does my other children. She has no learning disabilities, it's just how she is. And we accept her for that. That doesn't mean that we don't expect her to work hard or that we give up on her or that we don't do everything we can to help her succeed. She is 100% capable of learning and she will do it, she just does it at her own pace. In fact her little mind is like a steel trap; once she latches on to a concept it stays there forever. We encourage her to ask questions in class, she goes to tutoring, we work with her on her homework, her teachers send extra practice home, we print out our own workbook pages on weekends and on long breaks. My daughter will be prepared for life. 

So what's the problem, you ask? Testing. Not just the STAAR (State of Texas Assessments of Academic Readiness), but the benchmarks and the district assessments and the teacher's exams. Is there a week or a day that goes by that these kids don't have a test? Is there a time that these teachers can actually teach and not administer an exam? Is there a time that these kids can relax and not worry about when their next assessment is coming up? 

As I said before, each of my children are very different. My son is in seventh grade. He could care less if there a test coming up. He barely has to study for his exams and he makes an 'A'. He breezes through his assessments, comes home, does his homework, practices his trumpet and then reads his comic books without a second thought. My fifth grade daughter was completely stressed about the STAAR test. She knew that she was struggling in math and she knew that if she didn't pass the STAAR she may not pass the fifth grade. That was a lot of pressure for an eleven year old. The only thing that made it easier on her was the knowledge that she could work her math problems out her way. No one was going to be coming up behind her telling her that she wasn't working her problems out the way that the district required. My youngest, my third grader daughter, cries every time she has to take any kind of test. But then she goes to school and usually does very well. I have never been able to pinpoint why she gets so anxious, considering she generally gets good grades. The only thing I can think of is that it seems that nearly every week she is taking a test of some sort and she gets burned out taking them.

I honestly don't know what to do about this conundrum. I have seen example questions of what my district feels their standards ought to be. I have seen example questions the STAAR test feels the nation's standards ought to be. They are in line with each other and neither feels that out of line to me. If yours aren't, SPEAK UP! It's you're right as a parent, as an educator, as a board member, as a tax payer! Demand better!

Here is my (ideal) proposed solution to the too much testing problem. IF the district is doing their job and hiring quality educators, THEN the exams that the quality educator comes up with should be a fair assessment of a student's understanding of the material learned in the classroom. A teacher's exams should replace a district's benchmark tests, which I don't see a need for to begin with considering my district insists on districts exams as well. Getting rid of just one test frees up much more time for actual classroom instruction. As for state mandated or national mandated tests, I can't help you with that. You reap what you sow. If you want change, you have to make change. Educate yourself before going to the polls. We've gotten ourselves into this mess, we can get ourselves out of it.

By the way, my daughter passed the STAAR and I am one proud mama. 

Dealing With Grief

I know most of the time I keep things light-hearted and fun, but the sad truth is that tragedy does strike and we, as parents, have to help our kids deal with the challenges of the grieving process. My children were blessed with five great grandparents when they started their young lives. Now, as of January 8, my wonderful grandmother is the only one left.

About four years ago, my husband's grandmother, affectionately known as "Mom", passed away. She lived with us for a few years until the physical demands of caring for someone in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's Disease were too much for my mother in law (who still  lives with us) to handle on her own. We had no choice but to place her in a nursing home where she could receive round the clock care. My children, who were 8, 6 and 4 at the time, wanted to honor Mom in a special way. We had a small memorial here at the house because Mom was to be cremated and buried in her home town in Michigan. Afterwards, the kids, my husband, and I walked to the field near our home and released a balloon into the air. Attached to the balloon were handwritten notes that each of my children had written for Mom. That's the part they remember most about honoring Mom. It helped the kids tremendously to think that their letters would somehow reach her in Heaven.

In December, 2011 we lost my Grandaddy to a bout of pneumonia. He died within days of his 90th birthday. My dad's side of the family dealt with this loss with love and laughter, even if some of the laughter was by accident. My dad is one of six children. In a private moment, each of the children placed something special in their father's casket. A family photo to keep him company, his favorite nuts for a snack, money in his pocket in case of emergency, and a golf ball to enjoy the greens once more. Well, oddly enough golf balls enjoy rolling and bouncing around in the empty spaces of a casket. It turns out, if you don't warn the hearse drivers that something will be moving around inside of a casket, it kind of freaks them out. My family loves each other very much and I think that we are pretty close. None the less, it was a great bonding experience in that only immediate family members knew what that strange sound was coming from Grandaddy's casket while he was being transferred from the hearse to his final resting place. Snickers abounded and grief was abated, if only for a moment.

This brings me to our family's most recent encounter with grief. My mother's parents both passed just recently. My Paw Paw just after Christmas and my Grandma just after the new year. They had been married an astonishing 67 years. I can't remember them ever being apart so I suppose it is only appropriate that they are together again, this time for eternity. When Paw Paw died, I was comforted by the fact that I still had my Grandma and that was like still having a little piece of my Paw Paw left. The last time I saw my Grandma, I told her all about my Paw Paw's funeral service because she had been too weak to attend. Her heart was visibly broken and it tore me up to see her like that. She clutched both his picture and my hand and she sobbed. My Grandma had been my best friend my whole life. When I told my children of her passing, the first thing my youngest said was, "But she was the one that taught me to read." My Grandma was a natural teacher. She, like Mom, Grandad and Paw Paw, were strong inspirations and influences in my life and in my children's lives. I can't count my blessings enough that we have had these angels in our lives, but dealing with these losses has shaken my world.

I liken the sadness I have felt to the night. I wake up in the morning to a new day and everything seems like it will okay, but there's a darkness looming on the horizon. Night is coming. As the day goes on, it grows brighter and brighter. I feel like I can work and that I have the motivation and the inspiration to get up write. And then the peak of the day has come and the sun has passed over its highest point. Yet here I am, staring at a computer screen, having not written a word. Thoughts start to weigh heavy on my mind. They grow darker and heavier just as the day grows darker and colder. Before I know it, dusk is settling in, replacing the day with the night. Filling my exhausted head with sadness.

My kids handled these recent deaths probably better than I did. They were remarkably mature and strong in the face of such tragedy. We have crawled up together on my bed and on the couch and cried, talked, laughed and shared stories. There have been meltdowns and quarrels, but they have been comforted by the memories they have and jokes that they can share; the kind that only family will ever understand. Most of all, they have me and they have their dad and they have each other.

As much as it felt like it would, the world didn't stop. We somehow managed to go on without you in our lives. It hurt so much. The kind of hurt I thought would never go away. I will always love my grandparents and am grateful for all they did for me and for my precious family. In time we will heal, and we will heal through the laughter and the love that we provide each other. So it's not goodbye, but goodnight. Rest well, because we will have a lot to talk about when I see you again.

A Charlie Brown Christmas

 I have always been thankful that my kids have never been terribly greedy when it comes to making their Christmas Wish Lists. The internet has been filled with pictures of letters to Santa Claus with nothing but children asking for more, more and more. Maybe those parents laugh and think, "Oh, how cute that little Billy wants the entire Toys 'R' Us catalog. I didn't know he even liked Barbies." But if those were my kids, I would be shaking my head in shame. 

This last year has been a little harder than most. I had to quit my job because of my health problems, we had to pay our insurance out of pocket for six months, and now are playing catch up with our credit cards. So Christmas is going to be lean. And we are honest with the kids about it. We feel that's the only way to be.

As for Santa Claus... Our kids are 12, 10 and 8. Though he has never asked, I'm pretty sure that my oldest, my son, no longer believes in Santa. He said something to me one time about not believing and I told him that Santa would be real so long as he believed. My daughters are constantly trying to get us to admit that my husband and I are really the ones that put all the gifts out on Christmas Eve. Their biggest "clue" is the difference between our Santa and and their cousin's Santa. Their cousin's Santa apparently has time to visit throughout the month of December, putting little goodies in her stocking and filling it up throughout the month. Our Santa does it all in one fell swoop. How can that be possible? I just ask them, "Do you want presents from Santa?" They say yes. "Then shut up and believe in him."

So the Santa Claus gifts will still be here. And they will, understandably, be better than the clothes that mommy and daddy will buying them. He just needs to remember to do a better job of hiding the empty candy bags. He also opens the packages in the house before setting everything up just right. The Tooth Fairy has also been known to forget to pick up teeth for sometimes three days at a stretch. She was very busy. She also accidentally left them in my dresser. Not to mention the mess the Easter Bunny leaves behind. He also forgets to throw his trash away where the kids can't find it every once in a while. Ugh! Those guys! I'm trying to keep the magic alive here just a little longer!

It seems that no matter how much, or how little, we manage to get them for Christmas, as long as the big guy shows up they seem to be happy. After all, the real reason for the season rests inside us all. Tiny Tim said it best in my favorite tale of all time, Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol; "God bless us, every one."

My Snowflakes

Each of my children have their own distinct personalities. They're like snowflakes. No two are alike. Sure, they all have similarities. They all have brown hair and brown eyes. But Timothy is musical mathematical.  Rebecca is artistic and poetic. Diana is my athletic writer. Along with their strengths, come their weaknesses. And as much as I love their strengths and encourage them to pursue their interests, I have to help them work through their weaknesses so that they don't hinder them when they leave the safety of my nest.

Timothy is very logical and ordered. Science, math and music make a lot of sense to him. Writing, not so much. In writing there are too many rules that can be fudged. I can write this sentence without any commas and it would still make sense. But, in this sentence, I need multiple commas in order for it to make sense because, should I leave them out, it would be incorrect. He made good enough grades last year to get into the highest level classes available. He is doing really well in all of them except language arts. The concepts that he is not grasping deal with the rules of the English language. I can't say that I blame him. You try explaining to a child how to form compound and complex sentences without Googling it. I dare you. But if you ask him to solve a math problem in his head, he can do it. And he made the top band right out of Beginner's Band. He loves playing his trumpet and recently expressed an interest in learning to play multiple instruments. 

Rebecca's kryptonite is math. Always has been. I swear she has arithmaphobia. As soon as you ask her a math question, no matter how simple, she balks. And I am out of solutions as to how to help her. I have screamed, yelled, drawn diagrams, played charades, done it for her, bought workbooks, sat her down with computer programs, sent her to tutoring, taught her different ways, cried, prayed, gotten extra work from her teachers, ignored the problem, and gotten a drink. And, no, she does not have ADD, ADHD, dyslexia or anything else. She's just plain bad at math. That magic moment of comprehension just hasn't happened for her yet. Her teachers have all been really great about letting her sit up front so she can whisper the problems out loud (which seems to work for her) and give her some extra time on her tests. But if you ask her to write a story or a poem, she's your girl. And she is developing a really good singing voice. She gets that from Daddy.

Diana is my little spitfire. I'm not surprised that she wanted to get involved in student council. If anyone can convince anyone to do anything, it's Diana. She loves to write in her spare time. She makes up stories and keeps them in a little notebook. She is my outdoors girl. I think she would live in the backyard if I would let her. What I need her to do is work on her reading. As good a writer as she is, you'd think she'd be a really good reader. It's not the reading we have to work on, per se, it's the comprehension. She loves to read. In fact, she reads on a level a few grades higher than she is, but her comprehension is lagging. I am pretty familiar with the books that she is reading so I am able to make up some good questions to test her comprehension. If I lead her the right way, she can get to the right answer but she should be able to answer my questions without me having to lead her. I think she understands what she is reading, but she either isn't paying attention to the details or to she is too busy making up her own stories that are inspired by what she is reading to care.

My three little snowflakes. I love that they all have their own unique interests, even if it means more work for me in the run long. I think it's fascinating watching them grow and turn into these real little people. They're no longer these helpless little babies. They are tiny little people with their own personalities and now it's up to me to help guide them into adulthood. This is so exciting. I hope I don't screw it up.

My Education Soap Box

One of the reasons we settled where we did, in the school district where we live, was because the district's success rates and statistics matched up with what we wanted for our young family's future. At that time. But times change. Statistics change. Success rates change. And now we are faced with living in an area that is less promising than what we want for our kids.

Granted we are making preparations to move to a better area, which sadly is only a few miles down the road, but what do we, as parents, in the mean time to help our kids be successful? What if we are unable to make the move? What if the other school district fails us as well? How do we teach our children? How do we prepare them for the future?

I come from a long line of teachers. My Grandma was a teacher, my mom is a teacher and I worked in the school district as a substitute teacher for years, so I have a soft spot when it comes to teachers. But they can't do everything. They are not your babysitter. They are not there to teach your kid manners. They are not a punching bag. They are not a substitute parent. They are there to teach. To mentor. To guide.

Your kids are a reflection of you. I understand that not everyone can be home to help with homework and study guides. I understand that you can't take your kids to museums, parks, or to the zoo every weekend. Neither can we. Times are tough. But we have to be a good influence on our children.

Do chores together. Walk the dog together. Read together. Play a game together. Eat dinner together. Kids have a better chance at success when families eat dinner together. Cook together. Cooking teaches math and science skills. Go grocery shopping together. Shopping teaches your children about budgets and making good decisions. There are real life experiences that parents have the opportunity to teach their kids that a teacher doesn't have time to.

There are many free educational websites. There are documentaries on television. There are volunteer opportunities. There are libraries. Supplemental resources abound. You yourself are a supplemental resource. I want my kids to work hard so they can play hard. I want them to learn how to work smarter, not harder. I will not fail them. Their teachers will not fail them. Their schools will not fail them. They will not fail themselves. They will take what they are given and they will work with it to be whatever they want to be.

And I am so proud of my kids already.

My Wonderful Kids

Bad Backpack

My daughters begged us for new backpacks this year. It didn't matter that their old backpacks were in perfectly good condition. It didn't matter that backpacks cost money and we had already spent about $35,081 on school supplies and clothes already. They wanted new backpacks. My youngest daughter received a new backpack for her birthday. She loved it. And my oldest daughter was finally content to use last year's bag. Then a generous neighbor went and ruined it all. She gave my oldest daughter a new backpack. Not just any backpack. A really cool, one-strapped style backpack. The kind I don't approve of, just so you know. Now my youngest daughter was insanely jealous. Nothing was good enough for her. Everyday was a struggle. Every shopping trip was a fight. I finally gave in, like any other terrible mother would, and bought her a new backpack. The one-strap kind.

I found the new bag at Walgreens for $10. I'll be damned if I'm going to spend more than $20 on a backpack that my kids are going to hate the next year. And apparently, you get what you pay for. This particular bag is made by Urban Sport. It was barely big enough to fit her 2" three ring binder. In fact, in the first week of school, she broke one of the zippers off because she was forcing it closed. I gave her a lesson on cramming everything into a tiny space more effectively. It worked. For two more weeks.

Photo of the ill-fated bag I bought my daughter

Last night, she broke the other zipper off. Seriously? I know I only paid $10 for this backpack that my daughter begged me for that I didn't want to buy her in the first place, but to only last for three weeks seems a bit ridiculous to me. Especially considering that the $15 backpacks I bought last year are in great condition and still sitting in their closet. (Those are made by Jansport, by the way.) Lesson learned, I suppose.

The zipper didn't just break, it came off completely. 

My daughter went to school this morning with her birthday bag and the knowledge that mommy is always right. She never needed that one-strapped tiny backpack. And she's perfectly happy using the one she had to begin with. Now she owes me $10.

The Computer Age

Social media has offered our children a whole new world of opportunities. Research has become so much easier and faster. Gone are the days of Dewey. Long live Google. Banned books are no longer really banned. They can be downloaded, for a price, to any e-reader.  Pornography is available at the touch of a finger. Videos are forever imprinted on the internet. Cyber-bullying is in full swing. Wait... What did I say? Pornography? Videos? Bullying? What are our kids really up to?

I always fancied myself a laid back mom. When we had kids we had visions of talking to our children about the dangers of the world. Internet included. We had decided that we wouldn't be those parents that would put parental locks on the television or on the computer because everything was in a common area. We eliminated the need. There was no way they could seek out "danger" without us knowing about it.

Boy were we wrong.

It used to be that boys would look under the mattress or in the closet or garage or wherever for their dad's Playboys, Juggs, Hustler or Penthouse Magazines. But hard copies are so passe. Who wants to scour through articles to get to the good stuff when you're a twelve year boy who's curious about the female form? Not today's youth. Not when it's so easy to snag a laptop when your mom is taking a nap or cooking dinner. Not when any search engine will give you all the answers you need to know. And some you don't.

All I have to say is thank God for the History function on my browser.

I understand that boys will boys. This is really not much different than snagging Dad's mags and sneaking a peak. But it's so much more dangerous. There are so many things that a boy can accidentally stumble upon that we as parents don't want him to see. And once you see something, you can't unsee it. So it is up to us to protect our kids from the internet. I succumbed. We installed a parental control on the kids' side of the computer. And the television downstairs. Sigh...

But how we do control what they do at other people's homes? The truth is, we don't. We have to trust our kids to do the right thing. When I was high school I was working on a class project with a couple of boys. We were all together at one boy's house putting the final touches on our project. When we were done, they decided to get on the internet and search for sexy pictures of Teri Hatcher. Of course all that was available then was dial up on early home computers and the picture never fully loaded. That memory sticks out clearly in my brain. Boys being boys in an era that was slowly changing. The point is, we can't control what they do at their friend's houses but we can try to monitor it if we're sneaky.

My kids made the mistake of telling me that they had made a YouTube video with the kids down the street. I found it and watched it. It was completely innocent. Basically they were just playing a game in the front yard. The point, however, was that my minor children were video taped by other minor children and posted it on the internet to a minor child's YouTube account for the world to see. Of course I was furious. Not at the content, but at the sheer naivete of their actions. They had no idea that what they did was wrong. They didn't have parental approval from me to be on the internet. The account holder is under age and has a public account. These children don't know how to set privacy settings to protect themselves (or my kids), yet they have been given this powerful technology by their own parents. I now regularly check this account for videos. Yes, I am a stalker. I know who this person is watching, commenting on, posting and doing every minute of every day. The things we do to watch out for our kids.

My children (ages 12, 10, and 8) don't have cell phones, iPads, Game-boys, Nintendo DS or any other handheld electronic devices. We made that decision as parents to keep our kids part of a real community, not a cyber one. They walk with their heads held high, not staring at a screen. I'm not against the advancement of technology. In fact they use technology everyday and are very adept at it. I'm just against placing such power in the hands of those who don't understand how to use it. There's enough of that in the adult world.

So call me old fashioned, over protective, hypocritical... Call me what you will. But my kids came to understand why I felt what they did was wrong. So maybe we did get to have our dialogue about the dangers of the world after all. And do you know what? It was a good talk.

The Bedtime Bother

My children have never had a problem spending the night at other people's houses. I don't know if that's because we had to go out of town to visit my grandparents, because we allowed them to fall asleep at friends' homes while we late to visit, or because they spent the night with family members who genuinely wanted to spend time with them.

I've never been one of those mom who can't possible spend one night away from my children. Especially if their grandparents, aunts or uncles wanted to spend quality time with them. They're not going to be young forever and I am all for sharing this time everyone. Plus it comes with the benefit of some much needed "Us Time" for mom and dad. So why is it that other children have such a hard time sleeping over here?

I'm not a bad cook. It's true that sometimes I get a wild hair and try something new. Sure there are times that it doesn't work out, but more often than not, the new recipe ends up being a keeper. Occasionally even a family favorite. I love to cook and we often have big home cooked meals. Of course, I've been told by my kids' guests that my home cooking is not like their mom's. Maybe what's unusual is that we don't eat a lot of fast food, convenience foods, or pre-made meals. I make most everything from scratch because certain preservatives give me migraines. Maybe that changes the taste of things. Neither my husband nor I have a sweet tooth so we don't keep a lot of sweets around the house. Maybe that's the deal breaker. But we loosen up the rules when the kids have friends over. They can have more sodas and junk food while watching movies. I try to make it more like a party than an everyday event. Food is rarely an issue in our house. 

Maybe I'm just too strict. I don't allow food and drink anywhere but the living and dining rooms. I just don't want ants in the bedrooms. I make sure they brush their teeth. I'm pretty strict about hygiene, especially your teeth. You only get one set of permanent teeth and dentures totally creep me out. I make sure everyone likes the movies that are picked and games that are played. I don't really set a bed time so long as you don't keep me up. My husband and I try to disappear into our bedroom pretty early so as not to interfere with the kids' fun. So I can't be too much of a wicked witch.

Maybe we're boring. Maybe the Wii, PS3, karaoke, movies and TV aren't enough. (Hey, we like our entertainment. Sue us.) If that's not enough, the kids have toys, but they must not be cool enough. Kids still say 'cool', right? Granted, we make our kids play without modern conveniences for most of the hours of the day. We just always felt that the imagination was the best tool that they will ever have. We didn't want them becoming the zombies of the next generation. You know, like the adults you see now that are glued to their phone screens; total zombie mode. I see that happening already. Some of my kids' friends are lost without their internet connection to their various devices (we won't give them our password). They end up resorting to playing outside most of the time unless I allow them to play video games. And I do allow it. A lot. I'm not a total wet blanket. 

Am I scary? My little 5'2" frame? My kids' friends are bigger than I am and some of them will barely speak to me. I admit that my "Mom Voice" can be a little intimidating. But I use that on my kids. I soften it up when I need to correct a behavior with the friends. Am I so scary that they can barely speak to me? Or that they don't want to spend the night? My kids have two friends that have gone home in the middle of the night and one that won't even consider staying over. But my kids spend the night at their houses all the time. I just don't get it.

Maybe I just raised my kids differently. Maybe I just raised them to have fun and be more trusting. They know that I am always here for them whether they can see me or not. I raised them to feel secure in themselves and in their environment. Spending the night at a friend's house should be part of growing up. A kid should experience different family dynamics and break other people's rules. A kid should stay up late, giggling and telling stories. Kids should do their best to scare each other and make fun of the one that crashes first. Kids should play games and laugh till they pee. They should form friendships that will last through childhood and memories that will last forever. I want that in my house. I want my home to feel safe and still be fun. I want my kids' friends to stay the night. I want to hear laughter and arguments. I want those memories to form here. 

As far as I can see, my kids are becoming very well rounded. They get to be parented by other parents. Push other boundaries. Explore other cultures. Taste other foods. They may not know it, but they are deciding on what kind of parent they will become by seeing other families first hand. I may be awesome, but I know that I can't be everything to my kids. Maybe these other kids, the ones that don't like staying away from home, are truly missing out on something wonderful. There may be no place like home, but my home is like no place else.