New Luck in the New Year

I am not a superstitious person by nature, but we've had some bad luck as of late and it got me curious - What are some New Year's traditions that ring in good luck for the coming year? Because I'll tell you what, if it's reasonable and affordable, I just might do it. Please leave me a comment or send me a message about your favorite New Year's traditions!

Before the Stroke of Midnight

Resolutions - Sounds easy, right? We always make our New Year's resolutions, but this year, why not try keeping them?

Clean House - It's good luck to start the year off with a clean house. Think of it as a fresh start.

Shoot Off Fireworks - In fact make a lot of noise to chase off any evil spirits lurking around in the current year. Start the new year fresh and evil spirit free.

Kiss at Midnight - This is a symbol of your relationship. It will bring good luck to you in the coming year.

Wear Colorful Underwear - Wearing brightly colored underwear, especially red, is meant to bring in love and good fortune.

Drink Your Wishes - In Russia, it is tradition to write down your wishes, burn them, toss them in a glass of champagne and drink them before it is one minute past midnight.

Courtesy pixabay.com

After Twelve (mostly gorging yourself on good food)

12 Grapes - Eating 12 grape represents each month of the year and will bring you good luck.

Pork - Have you heard the expression, "Living high on the hog"? Well, eat some pork at New Year's and find out what it's all about.

Black-Eyed Peas - The story goes, during the Civil War, soldiers were cut-off from their food supply throughout a long winter and had to resort to eating what cattle grazed on - "cow peas". Now, whether you call that resourcefulness or luck, superstitious folk turned that into a New Year's tradition and voila!


Greens - If you really stretch your imagination, greens look like folded money. So eat your greens (or any green veggie) for prosperity in the new year.

Corn Bread - What represents gold better than corn? Eat some corn bread for New Year's to bring good fortune. Toss in actual corn to represent gold nuggets.

Hoppin' John - Now that you have your pork, peas, greens and corn bread, you can make this traditional Southern dish. Just add rice and eat for good luck.

Lentils - Eat this coin-shaped food to help ring in the new year with prosperity. Pair it with a pork dish to be sure you will be living high on the hog!

Noodles - Slurp up your long noodles for a long life. Be sure not to cut or chew them!

Cake - Bake a coin into a cake. The person who receives the coin with have good fortune in the new year. Just warn everyone first. You don't want anyone biting down on a coin! That's bad luck.

Ring-Shaped Foods - Ring-shaped foods represent coming full circle. So enjoy those donuts, onion rings, and pretzels.

Courtesy pixabay.com

Odd Ball Traditions

Make sure a tall, dark and handsome man is the first person to enter your household in the new year. This Scottish tradition is called "first footing". This man will bring you good luck. Keep your fair-haired friends waiting outside, they will only bring you misfortune. Sorry guys.

Some believe it is bad luck to let anything leave your house on January 1st. Even the trash!

Also, take a break from all that housework. It can wait till January  2nd at the earliest. You're welcome.

Out the Window - Some cultures believe in throwing broken things (including furniture) out the window! This Italian and South African tradition not only sounds cathartic, but kind of fun! Just make sure you warn your neighbors. It really is "out with the old and in with the new".

Cement Your Friendships - How would you like to throw dishes on your friends' front doors to show them just how much you love them? That's one Danish tradition that might show you just how popular you are.

Travel Hopes - If you're hoping to travel next year, why not start with taking a walk around the block with an empty suitcase? It's a tradition in Columbia - true story!

Foul Fowl -Do NOT eat chicken or turkey! They scratch backward and you don't ever want to look backward, only forward.

For Abundance - If you want a prosperous new year, stock up on food and money. I have a feeling one of those is easier than the other...

Paint it Black, errr Red - In China, people paint their doors red as a symbol of happiness and good fortune. Makes me think of the Rolling Stones...

Courtesy pixabay.com

This year, I will be preparing a pot of black-eyed peas and possibly some corn bread. I have to tell you honestly that I already have some drumsticks cooking in the oven so, hopefully that whole "don't eat chicken" thing doesn't count for New Year's Eve, only for the first of the year. And I did buy some donuts to enjoy in the morning. Now if only I could find my red underwear...

Car Trouble in Paradise

Before this story even begins, it must be perfectly understood that we were down to one working car for the time being. My husband's car, a completely paid off Toyota, was in the shop getting a new transmission. So he was bumming rides to and from work while I was on vacation with the kids in not-so-sunny Galveston in the not-so-paid off Honda....

Now the story begins...

The week that "historic" Tropical Storm Bill was to make landfall on the Texas gulf coast I was in fact on the Texas gulf coast. No, I'm not crazy. I'm a local. It was the week of my mom's birthday and we were celebrating it, as we always do, in Galveston. A little rain wasn't going to scare us off.

On the way to their beach house, a little light came on on the dashboard in my Honda. I didn't think much of it, other than the fact that I should probably get it checked out before Bill made landfall. So I went about my way. I made it safely to my parents' little hideaway and didn't have cause to start the car again until the next day.

I was secretly hoping that this would be one of those cases of the disappearing dash lights. You know, when it comes on for no good reason and then disappears for no good reason, too. But alas, it was not meant to be. The darn thing was still on. So we went to the beach.

And that was one of the best times I have had at the beach in a long time. The waves were choppy and rough and perfect for playing in with my daughters. My son was being a bum and chose not to go. Ever since last month when his teen-aged hormones dictated that he is (and I quote), "not a beach person." It was truly his loss. I think the water even seemed a little clearer that day. I know that the chief complaint about our part of the gulf is its murky brown color, but I still love it. The tide was high, the water was cool and we beat the storm.

When I returned to the house I decided to take the car in to Autozone for a free check out before the rain really started. At this point we had only been subjected to a few very brief showers. My son and my oldest daughter volunteered to keep me company and we made our way through crowded, lunch-time streets to Autozone.

They were super friendly and I wish I could remember their names, but at any rate, they didn't judge me on my lack of car expertise. The woman in the shop came out and ran the check engine test on my car. Nothing. No codes. My car was in tip top shape. Turns out that when the light that comes on on your dash looks like a battery, it's the "It's Your Battery Dumb Ass" light and not the "Check Engine" light. Oops.

I thanked her kindly and promised to get a new battery as soon as I got back home.

But the cards were stacked against me. I got back in the car, with my two lovely children, and click. Click. CLICK. I got nothing. The battery died in the parking lot of the Autozone. I guess it was meant to be. So in I marched, kids in tow, again, and this time I bought a battery.

We had to wait a really long time to have it installed because the gentleman that installed it couldn't leave the lady alone in the store with a bunch of customers. And wouldn't you know it? That seems to be when they hit their rush hour. For close to an hour the kids and I sat in the parking lot and waited. But once it was finally done it seemed as though it was all tip top shape. Right? Wrong. The gentleman helping me ran a final check on the battery and oh, so apologetically informs me that it's not the battery that's the problem, it's my alternator.

But will I make it home to the Houston area?

You should.

Great. That's all I need to know.

So I go back home to the beach house and we get rained on by Bill. Actually we spent most of it out on the porch, drinking and visiting. The rain was only a nuisance at night when it was heaviest and the wind kept waking me up.

Six months ago I had made a commitment to my long time friend, Ed Vela, who coaxed me out of retirement for one night only to appear on stage as part of a workshop. So I had to come back in town on Wednesday to help him out with that. Between talks with my husband and friends we had come up a first, second, third, contingency and back-up plan to get me back home. I had also secured a ride to the theater that night (once I made it home) to further lessen the need to drive. Wednesday morning rolls around and by 8:45 I am off.

My mom follows me to a gas station where I top off my tank. It would suck to get almost all the way home with a bad alternator just to run out of gas. Then I kiss her good-bye and we part ways. I'm driving and I'm driving. No radio, a/c, lights, nothing. Then I hit a red light. My hands are literally shaking I am so nervous. But I make it through that light. On to the next one. Each light it seems that my poor car is struggling more and more to get through the idling. Finally I think that it's going to die. I'm in the left lane (because I-45 is a left exit) so I get in the left turn lane to turn into a parking lot and that's where I die.

It won't start. No lights. No nothing.

I put on my big panties and call my husband, Victor. But as soon as I hear his voice - waterworks. He keeps asking me if I'm okay but I'm crying so hard that I can't answer. Finally I manage to get out, "I.. can't... get... off... the... island." He works his magic and gets me to calm down despite the asshole behind me, blaring his horn, refusing to go around. He reminds me of what I'm supposed to do next and gets me to do it one deep breath at a time.

Call roadside assistance from the number on the back of my license, call our friend Jeremy to come have me towed and call my mom to come keep me company. Roadside assistance gives me the number of Galveston Police Department and Jeremy and my mom are on their way. I flip on the hazards (even though everything is dead) and leave the car where it is. I go across to the parking lot, because if someone hits me from behind I don't want to get hurt. That's where I sit on a bench with the homeless people. They ignored me but I was very chatty and I think one of them was a woman.

I keep calling GPD but their number was eternally busy. Finally I see a cruiser passing by and try to flag him down. He pulls up behind my poor car, whose hazard lights have magically started working. I'm shouting at him, "That's my car!" He nods and says that he saw me. He waves me over to his side of the street where I tell him my whole story, big girls panties barely hanging on. He says I did everything right but that I had the wrong number for the police department. Guess I should have Googled it. And then we push my car to the parking lot I had been aiming for the whole time. I gave Officer Shepherd a give hug and thanked him profusely.

By now, my mom has witnessed me acting a fool in front of the GPD, seen me get stranded and had to leave the kids home alone, so she took me to breakfast and window shopping while we waited for my friend. When Jeremy got there, she was able to go back to the house to reassure the kids I was in good hands.

Jeremy was able to help me out by getting me towed back to Houston and take me home. At first the tow truck was coming at 12:05. Then it was 1:05. Then it finally came at :1:40. We finally left Galveston around 2:00. I had to be back by 4:00 to go to the theater. I got home at 3:40. Jeremy is my hero.

Victor got a ride home that night but we were without my car for another 24 hours. I never made it back to the coast to finish out my vacation. But the kids got to spend extra alone time with my parents. Planned or unplanned, those are memories that they will always have.

And we did eventually get our other car back, too. First world problems, I know. But it was still quite a little adventure. One I don't plan on repeating...

A Second Open Letter to my HOA

Dear Settler's Village HOA,

I wrote to you last year thanking you for the superb work going on at the neighborhood pool. You must have gotten the message because you decided to extend the construction late into this year as well. By now, I know that we are going to be getting a brand new pool, but you pulled out all the stops and surprised us all by tearing down the existing clubhouse, filling in the old pool and chopping down many of those offensive shade trees.

That old clubhouse must have been completely in the wrong place, as well structurally unsound. Not only did JR. D Construction completely remove any sign of the old one, they built a brand new one in a totally different location, requiring all brand new plumbing to be run and the need to cut down some of those pesky shade trees. I'm sure they would have fallen down eventually anyway in the next category 4 hurricane. And since we'll be spending all our time swimming (eventually, maybe, one day) or playing at the park, my family will never fully get to appreciate the game room you just spent the better part of a year building anyway. But we will use the brand new, state of the art bathrooms. They are state of the art, right? So thank you.

Last summer when you filled in the old pool I admit I was a little perturbed. And when you said it was going to take two weeks for the ground to settle before you could break ground on a new pool I was even more confused. And when those two weeks turned out to be more like two months I finally just assumed you know what you were doing because I was done trying to figure it out. And here we are a full year later and you are still working on the pool.

I think.

You built the brand new clubhouse street-side and no one can see what what is going on behind it. So other than the occasional "bang-bang" and a worker popping his head around the corner, you would never know that anything is going on back there. Once upon a time, you said the pool would be ready this June. Well, now it's June you are telling me July so I'm going to start checking my mail box every day for my pool tag information. Unless you want to let everyone in, willy-nilly, which I don't think you should do because I paid my dues to not use my pool last year, and they got to not use the pool for free. I demand preferential treatment when it comes to not using the pool again this year.

So thank you again to my HOA for making decisions for us that I'm sure made sense on paper, but are kinda stupid in reality. And thank you again for the lag in communication. And for making ridiculous promises. And for, well, literally nothing else.

Sincerely,
A Fish Out of Water

Kids and Their Gadgets

Last night, my son had the opportunity to perform in a short concert with the top band in the high school he is matriculating to next year. So naturally I was there to cheer my baby on. Whenever I go to one of my children's performances, I expect to hear a fantastic production and I have never been disappointed. What I don't expect, however, is to see a four year old with a pair of Beats headphones and his own mini iPad roaming the aisles.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but these tablets still retail for a couple hundred bucks. Not to mention that a pair of Beats headphones are at least $150. So this mother was trusting her four year old with up to $500 worth of equipment. I don't even trust my 14 year old with that much.

I honestly don't know what is happening to people that they feel they can't get their children to sit through a 30 minute concert without resorting to placating them with phones, tablets, handheld games, mp3 players... Wait. Mp3 players? At a concert? Where the music is being provided for you?

If that's not bad enough, parents are allowing children to take their phones under the guise of snapping photos of their siblings, but in reality they are running amok in the auditorium with other like-minded children. And no one, but me, the mean, nasty, ill-tempered, evil mother who just wants to hear her child perform, will tell these kids to kindly shut up and go away. Not even the owner of these loudmouthed hellions seems to notice. Or care. Maybe they have their Beats headphones on.

Call me old fashioned, but I also believe in having a family dinner. I have a "No Tech at the Table" policy. That includes the adults. There is nothing that my husband and I hate more than seeing an entire family out to dinner and watching them completely ignore each other because they are engrossed in their phone conversations. If I am going to spend my time preparing you a yummy, delicious dinner or pay my hard earned money to take you out, the least you can do is talk to me. I gave birth to you, after all, the least I can do is get to know you.

As of this moment in time, my children do not have cell phones. I'm not against it, I just don't feel it has been necessary as of yet. I think we are getting closer and closer to that point now that they are expanding their social calendars and extracurricular commitments. My kids are in band, choir and student council. They have friends all over the neighborhood and frequently stay after school for rehearsals. My husband works long hours and I sometimes need to be in two places at once. There have been times where it would have been convenient to reach out and call or text my kids to let them know I was running late or to ask them where I need to be. But we have managed just fine so far without the gadgets. So maybe the phones can wait a little longer.

I think it's a shame that children are missing out on their sibling's performances, family conversations, the world around them, new experiences and any number of other things because they have their nose in a phone, in a tablet or in a handheld game. But, by God, they can tell me all I need to know about the latest Vines, music videos, game cheats and celebrity gossip. Talk about a Zombie Apocalypse, we're creating one right before our eyes. No monkeys included.

Minor Facebook Friends?

I recently started receiving Facebook friend requests from my children's friends. This is uncharted territory for my husband and me. We haven't even allowed our own children to open their own social media accounts and yet we are now receiving friend requests from what are basically little kids. This is the time for us to form a united front. What are we to do in order to protect our privacy and the feelings of our children's friends?

I have to take a stand when it comes to subjecting innocents, at least those I have not raised, to some of the frenzied debates that we start that can get a bit... colorful and ....rowdy and....bawdy on our chosen platforms. I cannot in good conscience have a new generation getting a lesson in politics, history, current events, vocabulary, ethics, work place etiquette, musical tastes (although that might be an improvement), or how to deal with nosy neighbors, bad bosses, lousy in-laws, crazy kids, wanton women, horny husbands, raucous roommates, video game vigilantes, pandering partners, insulting instigators, liars, cheaters, and life in general from a generation that actually had to work hard for their money. Those lessons are reserved for my children's ears alone and they have to earn them through the blood, sweat and tears they shed when we are lecturing them endlessly after they screw up.

Our children are already all too well acquainted with our foul mouths, quirky brand of humor and (my) sharp temper. All things that could be taken out of context by a minor. Especially those that only know us peripherally. Thus we have made the decision not to accept friend requests from any of our kid's friends.

Too many things could go wrong. My husband and I could share an opinion that varies greatly with the ideologies of their friend's family. We do our best to be open and explain all viewpoints to our children while still holding firm to our own beliefs and opinions, but we also recognize that not everyone is this way. I would hate for something I say to be held against my children.

Secondly, this stage of their friendships, in all likelihood, won't stand the test of time. I don't want to be caught in the center of Middle School Friendship Wars. I never played those games as a child and I won't play them now either.

Finally, as much as I love my children's friends, I don't know that it is entirely appropriate for us to be associated with them on social media. First of all, we are adults and therefore we are expected to set a certain example. But we are human, and we aren't always going to be at our best when conversing with our friends on Facebook or tweeting back and forth on Twitter. The facade drops, our language gets more casual (I for one have one heck of a potty mouth), and we are more apt to say what is truly on our minds. Now compare that to how you would talk to your kid's friends. Get the picture? Not such a sterling example anymore, are you?

That's not to say I don't have any minors on my Facebook feed. But they are related to me. And I love them and they love me unconditionally. Or at least they do a pretty good job at pretending not to be ashamed of me come Christmas time.

To all the minors out there, I want you to get to know me. But I want the image you have in your mind to be the cool, fun mom you met and not the foul-mouthed, obnoxious lady on Facebook.

Christmas Come Early

I know that I'm not the only one that has noticed the trend for retailers to put out holiday decor earlier and earlier every year. Call me a traditionalist, but I loathe seeing Frosty sitting next to my jack'o'lanterns. It kind of ruins that spooky effect when Jack's snaggletooth grin is juxtaposed with grinning coals and a carrot nose.

I think of my holidays like a multi-course meal, savoring each mouthwatering selection. I let each one settle before moving on to the next. I never like to have my main dish before I have finished my soup, or my dessert before my salad, or sample my hors d'oeuvre after my soup. So it irks me when Christmas comes early.

I don't need to be reminded by retailers to start shopping early for Christmas. I'm a mom. I get it. In fact I get reminded year round by my kids. What I no longer get is the chance to fully enjoy Halloween without thinking I should be dressing up as a naughty elf. I can kind of understand putting holiday stuff out in time for Thanksgiving, especially years when Turkey Day comes late in the month and it shortens the holiday season. But I still don't even listen to Christmas music until the Friday after Thanksgiving on principle alone. Gotta give the bird some respect.

I'm not a total Grinch. I go shopping for my stocking-stuffers and under-the-tree presents whenever I see a deal I can't pass up. And we put our tree up, without fail, the day after Thanksgiving; no matter when it falls that year. That's our tradition. And we do it while listening to the Christmas music of our choice. Usually something pretty rockin'.

So maybe my heart isn't too small after all. It may be that retailers just have too much Christmas spirit in their blood. But one drugstore near me was putting Halloween stuff on clearance before the end of October to make way for Santa, and for that I cry fowl! (Get it? Cos we're still waiting for Turkey Day? You're right... I'm sorry.)

All I'm saying, is that I don't feel that we the people really need to be reminded to spend our hard earned money on gifts for our loved ones. Especially if we have kids doing the reminding for us. Let us enjoy one holiday at a time, for the love of Michael Meyers. It'll save me from trying to buy a Santa suit for my husband next Halloween.

Silly Parents, Minecraft is for Kids

Building and breaking and building and breaking and building and breaking and AAAAH! Zombie! And back to building and breaking. That's about the gist of Minecraft, right? Or what used to be called Lego's - minus all the Nether World creatures that Minecraft has come up with to keep kids distracted from the fact they have abandoned their tactile building blocks.

In all seriousness, should I doubt the moral fiber of my children when they giggle at having to kill chickens, cows and sheep in order to survive in the cruel worlds they have just created? Survival is a serious business. Especially when facing the pitfalls of lava, water traps, giant spiders, slime blobs, zombies, skeletons, ender- men, and portholes. Other players can sabotage you and you can sabotage them. Your pet wolves can turn on you at any moment.The villages don't speak your language. Minecraft is a dangerous place.

It is forcing my children to use their imaginations to work together to build communities and they don't even know it. Being underhanded and sneaky to teach my children valuable lessons is my job, Minecraft! You have to build everything from scratch. And being block shaped, that's not always easy. But in order to build and fabricate you first need to collect the necessary items. And to collect the necessary items you mine, find or kill for them.

Minecraft is the first game in a long time that all three of my kids will sit and play together without arguing about turns, without getting in each other's way, and a game in which if one child leaves the arena it doesn't ruin it for everybody else. It has really put a damper on my quiet time because no one is ever in time out. I suppose I really shouldn't complain too much. It has been a while since I have stepped barefoot on a Lego piece in the middle of the night or sucked one up in my vacuum cleaner, never to be heard from again. Plus, we didn't buy them the game until they earned the money for it in the first place. That was a lot of dog poop they picked up.

So, I guess while I don't totally get it, because maybe my adult brain just can't wrap itself around the point of it all, the kids seem to really enjoy it. And they are playing nicely together for once. And maybe all that practice with the Lego's and Lincoln Logs came in handy because they have built some pretty awesome structures and their problem solving skills are pretty impressive. (Go Mom!)

So maybe they can play Minecraft for just a little longer today...

Open Letter to my HOA

Dear Settler's Village HOA,

I am so pleased that you decided to remodel our pool so that the families of our community could enjoy a refreshing swim during the hot and humid Texas Summer months. You couldn't have picked a better time of year to do the renovations either. Summer is the perfect time. There are no school kids walking to and from school to get in the way. No buses making a lot of noise. And you know for sure that it won't be too cold to work outside and there is no threat of the pool water freezing.

Not only has JR. D Construction, the company you chose for the remodel, put up a lovely chain link fence around most of our park and two huge construction bins in our tiny parking lot, but their lack of progress is astounding. The steel construction bins add an apocalyptic, yet urban feel to the family park, especially when framed by the primary colors of the playground equipment. I can't help but notice how you have managed to drive away all the riff raff. Who wants kids playing in the park during summer anyway? And your self gratifying sign is just the icing on cake. JR. D Construction truly can do everything, including sucking all the life out a neighborhood park and dragging out a construction project for months on end.

Your trash bins showed up in May. Your chain link fence prohibited access to the swing set in early June. You drained the pool in mid June.Your sign went up in late June. And every day, no matter what time I drive by, walk my dog or take my kids to their friends' houses, the pool remains empty. No workers, no water, and no families enjoying their summer. Congratulations. Truly.

Now, perhaps the materials for the remodel are just not available. I guess that's just poor planning. Or maybe it's just too hot to work during the summer. Sure would've been nice to take a dip in the pool, right? Maybe you have too many projects going on and have spread yourself too thin. Poor planning? Again? Or maybe you are really really thorough and just want to do a good job. OK, I'll buy that, but where are your employees?

As for my HOA, thanks for making me call our management company, PCMI, to get all the information in the first place. When we didn't get the notice for our new pool tags I put in a call to PCMI to make sure my notice didn't get lost in the mail. I love making new friends anyway and the lovely lady on the phone informed me that we were getting a new pool. She was much more excited than I was. And no, no one thought to make a deal with a neighboring neighborhood so we could use their pool. And no, there is no county pool. And no, there is no city pool. But good news! Next year we should be able to use our brand new pool!

So thank you, Settler's Village HOA for the surprise remodel of the pool. I mean, I know we voted on it but I had know idea it was coming so soon. I certainly never would have guessed you would start it when swim season began. My guess would have been to do the remodel during the Spring or even Fall. And thank you for hiring what must surely be the most thorough construction company in the city and county and quite possibly in the state to work on the remodel. I'm positive I will thank you next year when I can take all three of my kids to the pool. Because God knows I can't do it this year.

Sincerely,
A Mom, A Member of the Community, A Wannabe Swimmer

Free Summer 2014

I found out earlier this month that my wonderful neighborhood Home Owners Association has finally decided to remodel our pool. Isn't that great? The problem is, the work is starting now. At the start of swim season. Wasn't that nice of them? If you're like me, and I'm sure many of you are, local attractions (especially free ones) are the ones you need to rely on during the long summer months. So what's a family to do?

In my area, I found two theaters that have kid friendly movie programs for the summer. Carmike Cinemas is offering $4 seats every Thursday at 10 am starting on June 5. The $4 admission includes a small drink and a small popcorn. My particular theater is showing movies like The Lego Movie, Epic, Despicable Me 2, Rio, and The Croods. Check your local theater to see what they are showing this summer. Cinemark is offering ten movies for $5 if you purchase tickets in advance or one movie for $1 at the door. My particular theater is showing films like The Smurfs 2, Turbo, Mr. Peabody and Sherman, and Walking With Dinosaurs. Check your local listings for movies and show times.

How about bowling? Check out kidsbowlfree.com for a list of bowling alleys that are participating in this summer's first ever program to help give kids a fun and safe way to spend the hot summer months. Parents can register with their local bowling alley and give their kids two free games of bowling every day. AMF has had a similar program for the last few years offering three free games to kiddos aged 15 years and younger. So I guess it is just a matter of who is closer to you.

Reading programs are a great way to keep your kids reading this summer and some reading programs help your child earn free books and even some pocket change for their efforts. Barnes & Noble will reward kids ages 6-12 with a free book after they read eight books and turn in their reading journal to participating stores. Feed Your Brain is Half Price Book's summer reading program. Kids 14 and under can add up their reading minutes and turn in a log to earn $5 in bookworm bucks. Sylvan Learning Center has a free, interactive way to encourage kids to read by quizzing them on what they've read and giving them the opportunity to earn prizes in the process. I also you recommend you check out PBS, home of Reading Rainbow, to learn how to raise an enthusiastic reader. I firmly believe in the power of literacy.

And finally, Chuck E. Cheese wants to reward your kids for their good behavior.You can print off and bring in completed chore sheets to participating restaurants for 10 free game tokens.

As always there is the public library, community centers, the beach, bbq's and the ever popular chore list(!) to complete. I have a feeling my yard and house will never be cleaner without that silly pool to distract me this summer. In fact, I may have my kids read up on gardening and redecorating tips to get them started...

Lice Wars

I have gone my entire life without having to experience the itchy creepy crawly feeling associated with having lice. Until this weekend. That'll teach me to snuggle with my kids. My youngest daughter started scratching furiously at her head a few weeks ago. And, being a diligent mother, I began checking her head regularly for those little vermin called lice. I never saw anything until Friday. There was a little teeny tiny thing crawling in her hair. I caught it, killed it, and Googled it. I had no clue what lice looked like, but I was about to get an education.

When you find out you have a head lice infestation the first thing you do is question your hygiene. Are my kids clean enough? Do I wash our sheets often enough? Should I cut their hair shorter? Should I change our shampoo? Do I vacuum often enough? Should I clean my furniture? How old are our mattresses? Why do I let them share their brushes with each other? How did I miss this?

I'm telling you this is all hogwash. First of all, lice is super common childhood ailment. As crowded as our schools are, it's easy for the little boogers to find new hosts everyday. All it takes is a little head to head contact. Does your kid play sports? Then they risk getting lice every time they huddle up. How about every time they have small group lessons? Or tell each other secrets on the playground? Or share head phones for the computer? Or share pillows in a reading nook?

Wanna talk about hygiene? Lice actually prefer clean hair to dirty hair because it's easier to climb on. That blows the theory that only dirty people get lice out of the proverbial water. Also, girls are more likely to get lice than boys. I have a feeling that may be because we're more likely to share secrets, brushes, and hats than our dirtier, stingier counter parts.

I went the traditional route and used the nasty chemical shampoo to treat my kids' lice as well as my own. Yes, I got lice through all the snuggling and loving I get from my kids. It seems that Daddy, surprisingly, escaped the infestation, but I still made him suffer the treatment. It's only fair. Because of my migraines I don't use a lot of chemicals around the house. So I could have tried some of the home remedies like mayonnaise, olive oil, petroleum jelly, gasoline and kerosene. But they were a little too much, and kind of gross, even for me.

While it really sucks getting lice, take it as a sign that your kid is clean and socially healthy. I think of it as a sign that I must be doing something right. I am raising kids that not only have good hygiene, but are little social butterflies. But I still told them not to tell anyone they had lice. That's just gross.

And We Were Doing So Well...

Illness has once again struck our home, and this time with a vengeance. Fortunately not on me. Unfortunately, I have never had the patience to deal with the whining and the complaining that comes with being sick. People always think I am just being funny when I tell these stories but, hand to God, they are true.

I was fortunate enough to have a pediatrician that didn't push antibiotics on my kids when they were young. She preferred to try to cure the common sniffle with home remedies before resorting to medication. I don't know if that had anything to do with her being Indian or just the fact that she had common sense, but there you go. And in the years since, we have rarely been struck down by flu bugs and tummy viruses.

When the kids start to get all stopped up, we bring out the saline nose spray. Just one puff in each nostril, a good blow, and you are good to go. When that doesn't work, we'll bring out the humidifier. It will save your life! Trust me. Night time is when you will lose the most sleep to coughs and colds. And it will always happen at three o'clock in the morning. I was in a deep slumber and all of sudden, "Cough, cough, cough". I stirred a little in my sleep and realized that my kid was coughing in the other room. My husband woke a little bit and stated the obvious, "She's coughing," and then he resumed snoring.

I tried to lay back down and go to sleep, but between my poor baby coughing and feeling miserable in the next room and my husband snoring in my ear, it was impossible. Finally, he rolled over and his hand slapped me in face and I gave up. There would be no more sleep for me tonight. So I did what any good mom would do. I sat up and yelled, "Go get a drink of water, for crying out loud!"

A soft "OK" answered, followed by footsteps to the kitchen. I rolled my husband over, who amazingly had slept through it all, and settled back down for a long sleep. Yeah, right. The coughing continued sporadically throughout the night. Even though she was practically sitting up. Even though the humidifier was on full blast, leaving a thin sheen of dew on every surface of her room. Even though she had blown her nose dry.

By now, it was 5 o'clock in the morning. I can't give her another dose of cough medicine because then I won't be able to give her another dose before school starts in the morning. And, yeah, I send my kids to school unless they are throwing up or have a fever. I am that mom. It was your scuzzy kids that got my kid sick in the first place, so deal with it. The idea of having to give her more medicine gave me flashbacks of the night before when I had to finally give in and start her on the dreaded antibiotics. I don't remember amoxicillin tasting that bad, but apparently my daughter thinks it is the next best thing to dog crap.

To get her take her medicine is a struggle, to put it nicely. I start off nice and slow.

"Here is your medicine and here is your drink to wash it down with. Have you taken it yet? Take your medicine. Drink it. Drink it now! Just swallow it and wash it down. The longer you sit here the angrier I am going to get. Just drink it. Good, now swallow it. The longer you keep it in your mouth the worse it going to taste. Swallow it! There's no taste buds in your throat, just swallow it! So help me, if you spit it out... If you don't swallow it I'm going to sit on you and plug your nose! One... Two... Now was that so hard?"

I shivered in the dark as the flashback passes. I'm going to have to do this twice a day for nine more days. Yea! I wish I could find patient zero. The things I would do to him... At least we don't get sick that often. You'd think that I would be better at this than I am. Oh, well. At least it isn't my husband that is sick. That's another story entirely.

A Charlie Brown Christmas

 I have always been thankful that my kids have never been terribly greedy when it comes to making their Christmas Wish Lists. The internet has been filled with pictures of letters to Santa Claus with nothing but children asking for more, more and more. Maybe those parents laugh and think, "Oh, how cute that little Billy wants the entire Toys 'R' Us catalog. I didn't know he even liked Barbies." But if those were my kids, I would be shaking my head in shame. 

This last year has been a little harder than most. I had to quit my job because of my health problems, we had to pay our insurance out of pocket for six months, and now are playing catch up with our credit cards. So Christmas is going to be lean. And we are honest with the kids about it. We feel that's the only way to be.

As for Santa Claus... Our kids are 12, 10 and 8. Though he has never asked, I'm pretty sure that my oldest, my son, no longer believes in Santa. He said something to me one time about not believing and I told him that Santa would be real so long as he believed. My daughters are constantly trying to get us to admit that my husband and I are really the ones that put all the gifts out on Christmas Eve. Their biggest "clue" is the difference between our Santa and and their cousin's Santa. Their cousin's Santa apparently has time to visit throughout the month of December, putting little goodies in her stocking and filling it up throughout the month. Our Santa does it all in one fell swoop. How can that be possible? I just ask them, "Do you want presents from Santa?" They say yes. "Then shut up and believe in him."

So the Santa Claus gifts will still be here. And they will, understandably, be better than the clothes that mommy and daddy will buying them. He just needs to remember to do a better job of hiding the empty candy bags. He also opens the packages in the house before setting everything up just right. The Tooth Fairy has also been known to forget to pick up teeth for sometimes three days at a stretch. She was very busy. She also accidentally left them in my dresser. Not to mention the mess the Easter Bunny leaves behind. He also forgets to throw his trash away where the kids can't find it every once in a while. Ugh! Those guys! I'm trying to keep the magic alive here just a little longer!

It seems that no matter how much, or how little, we manage to get them for Christmas, as long as the big guy shows up they seem to be happy. After all, the real reason for the season rests inside us all. Tiny Tim said it best in my favorite tale of all time, Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol; "God bless us, every one."

Bra Envy Leads to Breast Envy

When I was ten, I had the worst case of Bra Envy. That's the precursor to Breast Envy. It ate me up. I don't know if all little girls go through Bra Envy or just us late bloomers, but I remember it very clearly.

When I was in fifth grade I thought all of my friends were starting to develop and it drove me crazy. There they all were. All wearing bras. Messing with their bra straps. Having to adjust themselves. I was going mad with jealously! I begged my mom to buy me a bra. But for what? What would a bra possibly be holding in? I was lucky I had fat enough on my body to keep me warm, let alone try form boobies. So I thought I was real smart. I thought that if I just stood up real straight and stuck my little chest out, it would look like I was getting bigger on top. It didn't stop there. I would wear an undershirt or something under my clothes. You know, to give the appearance of bra straps. I didn't care if they were big and bulky. And I would fiddle with an imaginary strap in the middle of my back, just like all my real bra wearing friends did. It worked until a boy in class went to snap my bra and discovered there was nothing there. I was mortified. So I did the next best thing. I hiked my underwear up as high as it could go. Until it almost reached the middle of my back if I arched my spine. This was a long time time ago. All we kids had back then were Granny Panties. Then I would fiddle with my undies as if they were my bra strap. I was desperate.

Don't judge me.

I don't think I got my first training bra until the end of fifth grade. And I never actually needed a bra until maybe seventh grade. I'll even let you in on a little secret. I wore the Wonder Bra when I got married because I wanted a little something on top. Do you remember those? Of course you do. Now I have the best in Victoria's Secret bras, but I want better boobs. I had kids. Enough said. Bra Envy leads to Breast Envy.

So, what do I tell my ten year old daughter? In her mind's eye, all her little friends are starting to wear bras and little undershirts because, let's face it, they need them. My daughter, my precious little girl, does not. She is built like I was at ten years old. Scrawny. But lucky for her, she has me to help guide her through this sensitive time. I went out and bought her the damn bra.

20 Reasons I've Decided NOT to Workout

1. I don't want to make the other moms jealous.

2. I don't like getting hot and sweaty.

3. I don't have any cute workout clothes.

4. If I were a major babe, it would just embarrass my kids.

5. I just used the word 'babe'. Clearly I don't need to be one.

6. I think I may allergic to exercise. It makes my face turn red and I start breathing heavily.

7. Working out makes me hungry. Doesn't that defeat the purpose?

8. Great. Now I want a Snickers.

9. Hold on, I'm chewing...

10. Exercising makes me count. I have to count calories, steps, candy bars... And I hate math.

11. Exercising makes me thirsty.

12. And it's too early for margaritas. Dammit.

13. Gyms smell funny.

14. Sweaty people smell funny.

15. B.O. is the pits! HAHA Get it?

16. I like smelling good.

17. I also dislike pain; i.e. muscle soreness and cramps.

18. Ugh! And it's so boring! You have to do it everyday! Who wants to do that?

19. You can't see changes right away. No instant gratification here!

20. I'm a mom. I do enough already.